▶ Your Answer :
Nowadays
people spend less time on transportation. We can go to nearby countries with
in shorter period of time than before. However, within the country, especially within big cities like
Seoul and New York are suffering severe traffic jams. People spend a lot of time in on the
road. How can we solve these kinds of problems?
To start the argument, I think the government
should spend more money on improving public transportation. Admittedly, a lot
of people might believe that the government should improve roads and highways.
However, there are already plenty of roads and highways. The ultimate solution
is improving to improve the public transportation, since there are lot of things to be
fixed. For example, in Seoul, South Korea, there are more than 10 lines of
subways. However, during the rush hour, it is even hard for people to stand
still inside the subway. There are no personal areas space and everyone is standing
side by side. The government tells people to take public transportation to
reduce the traffic jam. However, the condition of using it is extremely
terrible. The government should spend more money to increase the number of trains
so that citizens can use the public transportation more comfortably. Hence, it
is better to improve the public transportation rather than improving to improve the roads.
On top of that, improving the public
transportation is better since it can cover benefit a wide range of people in all age groups, considering
the age. People can drive after the age of 20 in South Korea and considering the health
problems people older than 60 use the public transportation. People younger than
20 and people older than 60 who have health problems cannot drive. When the
government has to decide between two options which cover different range of
people, I believe it the government should choose the option which covers a wider range.,
Ssince, it will eventually take care of a wider range of satisfaction.people. Hence, I
believe that the government should spend more money on improving the public
transportation.
In conclusion, I believe that the government should spend
more money on improving the public transportation for two reasons. There are
more bigger problems related to the public transportation and it takes care of
wider range of people.
[Score] 25-26
[Feedback] - 단수 복수 수 일치 주의하세요 - 명사가 나오기 전에 관사를 붙여주세요. - "I believe that the government should spend more money on improving the public transportation..." 이 문장이 너무 자주 나옵니다. 같은 뜻에 다른 문장 구조로 바꿔주시면 반복되는게 덜 부각 될 거 같아요. - 예시는 적절했고 주장을 잘 support해 주셨습니다.
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