▶ Your Answer :
Although there is no complete consensus
that has been reached on this topic, yet I would like to take a stance with one
of the given options that schools should build a
quiet study area in dorms to improve the quality
of students’ life lives in the dormitory. In order to
substantiate my central focal (둘 중 하나만 쓰셔도
됩니다) points, I will provide specific reasons and explore
the given topic in great detail in this essay.
To begin with, I firmly believe that it will contribute to the quality of students’ life
lives to build a quiet place in dorms. This is
because there are numerous students who want to study in a quiet place.
Opponents of my perspective claim that it would be
better to build an exercise room to keep physical well-being or to build an entertainment room. Proponents of this
view raise several points as the rationales for
their argument and their argument might have some validity. But after closer
look, there exists an abundance of examples that calling call into question what they claim. Among such
examples, my personal experience can elucidate their incorrect viewpoint. When
I was a high school student, I often get got
into trouble with studying at classrooms
in school buildings. The main reason was there was
were many students who didn’t focus on their
studies but kept on hanging around or talking
with one another. Many students including me had undergone such trouble, so we
thought it would better to build a quiet place to study for only students who
want to study on the evening. This validates my earlier contention that
building a quiet place to study in dorms will contribute to the quality of student’s life students’ lives.
The account of mine that I illustrated above is not the only evidence to
support my view. A recent survey conducted by one of the leading educational
consulting firms in Korea endorsed my opinion when the survey respondents were
asked whether they sided with the argument that whether
constructing a quiet study area will contribute to the
quality of student’s life students’ lives
or not. A leading education expert claimed that
it is really helpful to improve students’
academic achievements to build a quiet study area in dorms. The expert stated that since many students want to enhance their
academic achievement, considering it as one of important things in their lives,
constructing a quiet study area would be one of the
best ways to encourage students to study more diligently. He also asserted that it is shown as true (그냥 proven이 더 간략하고 좋습니다) from his research that in a reality, the students
who spent their time studying in quiet places
understood much better about topics what they learned and achieved higher
academic achievement.
In conclusion, in spite of the fact that there may be some opinions that it
would be better to build an exercise room or an entertainment
room, taking into account of all the factors that I described above, we may
reach to the conclusion that constructing a quiet study place will
contribute to the quality of student’s life
students’ lives.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
19 |
Overall
Comment: |
템플릿 이용에는 문제가 없어
보여요. 하지만 템플릿을 벗어나실 때마다 문법 오류가 많아지는 경향이 있으시니 신경을 쓰시는 게 좋을 것 같습니다. 한 템플릿을 자주
사용하면서 최대한 자주 하는 문법 실수들을 주의하면서 고쳐주시면 빠르게 높은 점수를 달성하실 수 있을 거에요. |
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