▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that improving the education system can have a huge effect on the prosperity of a country. I totally agree with this idea because enhancing peoples' intelligence can lead to an increase improvement in nation's economy and make their people more valuable throughout the international field. (Make their people more valuable이라는 문장은 어떤 의미인지 더 설명이 필요합니다. Be more specific and clear.) First of all, the quality of education has significant relations with to the nation's economic status. That is, the more people learn about and be are competent in technology, the more economic increase the nation will have. As people have their own distinction in typical area in of science, the nation will have more chance to export those intelligence and related products to other countries. (As people have their own distinction이라는 문장도 무슨 뜻인지 모르겠어요. 더 설명을 해주세요.) For example, In in the mid of 1980's, South Korea earned a lot of money by focusing in on teaching people and development of deveoping science scientific research. As South Korea exported a lot of high quality products to the neighbor countries, Korea got rich in a short time and people were able to live more leisurely and affluently. Even though this happening would have been caused by a various factors, experts always point out that this would not be have been possible if South Korea didn't improve their people's education quality. On top of that, improving education system can also make those people more valuable. In particular, If people who are good and competent at specific areas, his or her value will increase in the area, which means they will have a better chance to be recruited with higher reward. For instance, According according to a survey held in 2012 at Seoul national university, the number of people who are going abroad to study and learn is consistently increasing. Actually nowadays, Korea students are going abroad to study in their area more deeply. This means they have potential possibilities to be a specialist in some area. It is hard to doubt that they will get a call from other countries where their competences are needed. This will finally lead to the increase in economic the economy of the nation. These people will bring a lot of money to the country and increase the nation's economic status. To sum up, improving education system can enhance the nation's economic status and make a lot of competent and competitive people. In this regard, I strongly agree with the statement that developing schools is one of the most way for the country to prosper. 이정도면 20점은 넘을 수 있는지 가늠 부탁드려요~^^
[Score] 22-23
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