▶ Your Answer :
Some people might think that living in societies today causes less burden for people than the past. However, in my opinion, young generation nowadays is undergoing much more hardship in order to survive in the society than those of the past for following two reasons. To be specific, in order to survive in this world of endless competition, people ought to learn a wide range of knowledge to get a job. In the case of employment, everyone is aware that having a job is like a camel passing through the eye of a needle nowadays. This is because more and more companies are decreasing the number of their employees due to global financial crisis, and people should have more developed conditions like higher education level to gain jobs as a result. For example, during the period when my grandfather grew up, people could be employed although they only graduated from high schools. This is because most people could not learn a lot since it was much more important for them to put bread on the table at that time. So, education was not necessarily imperative for them. However, these days, even students who are graduated from universities are experiencing the difficulty of employment. As a consequence, many college students are struggling to get more sophisticated knowledge or participate in internship programs in order to be hired. Moreover, in these societies, the development of technology is ever-changing, and there are myriad of machines in most of our lives. So, if a person did not know these technologies, it would be extremely difficult to live in. The reason is that almost all aspects of life make us to use those. For example, in the past, people just wrote some letters or made promise in advance to meet each other, or to build human network. In contrast, people nowadays have to learn to use smart phones in order to contact with others. In addition, we should make e-mail or social media (SNS는 콩글리시입니다) accounts to maintain human relationships. Furthermore, these technologies are changing consistently to be more complex. Therefore, if we did not understand the manual now, we would not use the machine in the future as well. To sum up, people living in societies at present should learn many things to get a job and be adjust to new technologies restlessly. These can cause a lot of stress for them. In this regard, I firmly believe that surviving in these societies is more difficult than the past.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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FAIR
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GOOD
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 각 파트별로 내용 + example도 잘 정리되어 있습니다. - 콩글리시 표현이 아닌 올바른 표현법을 숙지하세요. |