▶ Your Answer : Majority of people believe that it would be wiser to spend money on libraries because the levels of libraries are directly related to ranks of universities as it can help researchers to write a lot of papers. However, I believe that it is also important to invest money on sports as well. There are two reasons supporting my opinion. First, spending money on sports enables students to relieve their stress. Second, investing the university budget on sports helps students to broaden perspectives.(어떤 측면에서 시야를 넓히는지 작성해주세요)
Initially, I thought it was not important for universities to spend money on sports, However, reading experts' opinions published in major newspapers changed my view. I realized that spending certain amount of the university budget was important for relieving stress. Everyday, students have to patiently sit through the traffic to get to work. Once they are at school, they have to endure countless assignments, reports, and lectures. Furthermore, they have study and read more textbooks even in their home. This kind of vicious cycle eventually wears down people. However, playing sports definitely helps students to relieve their stress. Recently, a famous social scientist in Korea initiated the research between students who enjoy sports after school and compared them with those who do not enjoy sports. The results were obvious. Students who enjoyed sports after school had much lower stress index average. Some of the students who enjoy sports added that it allows them to relieve stress even if it is only for a short time.
Playing sports helps students to broaden perspectives. At school, students usually spend their time only with people in same majors. Joining sports club which are affiliated to universities helps students to meet people from various majors. In sports team, they do not only play sports together but also learn how to share ideas and learn new perspectives by getting involved with the sports teams act as a social platform. Interacting with people studying in various realms definitely helps students to become flexible and open to new ideas as well as to increase interpersonal skills. Ultimately, it will help students to find a better job opportunities by gaining a chance to broaden perspectives by joining sports clubs in the universities. + evidence? (history, statistics, personal experience...)
To conclude, universities should spend money on sports for the reasons I have mentioned above. (본인이 작성한 주장에 대한 이유/내용을 간략히 요약해주세요) Also, the idea should never be underestimated dew to the supporting details I have mentioned with the reasons.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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FAIR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- Template을 활용했음에도 불구 자잘한 문법 실수가 많고 spelling error들이 보입니다. - 시야를 넓힌다는 것을 정확히 서술해주세요. (학술적 분야인지, 이후 인생을 이해하는 독보적인 철학이 생기는 것인지, 다양한 시야를 ~를 통해서 얻는지 등) - broaden perspective라는 단어는 굉장히 broad합니다. |