▶ Your Answer : It has become hot topic An intriguing topic of discussion at hand is whether most business people are motivated only by money or not. Some may say that business people just only want to make more money. However, I disagree about with the statement as it is obvious that only with money cannot stimulate business people. My reasons are as follows. First of all, only money alone cannot boost inspire business people because they also just want to have some free time. These days people know that money cannot bring happiness. There are so many important factor in lives ike free time and family time. Therefore, people think that to increase quality of life they need more free time. For example, when I was in universty, I worked at a supermarket during summer break. vacation I worked in market. I recieved a lot of salary because the work was so arduous. I was always tired after work. because of accumulation of tired. Therefore, after I finished work, I usually went to home and went straight to bed. sleep without my free time. One day the market increased employees' salary. However, the intensity of work also increased. Even if the salary increased, my work efficiency did not increased and I was not happy. I just wanted to relax. This is why money cannot motivate business people. Second, business people does not work for money. There are so many business people who work because they love their jobs. Most of them does not care about salary and they just want minimum salary for their lives. Thus, increasing the quality of work or their pride in work is better. For example, when I worked at a marketing company, even if the salary was not that much, I really loved my work. After time went by even though my salary was increased After a while I got a raise, but I did not care about it. I just complained about the work environment. atmosphere and quality and my complaint was accepted. After the company improved the office environment, I could work harder. Improvement of work of quality like equipment and welfare boosted me to work harder. Not only me, My colleagues could also work more pleasantly. enabled to work pleasantly. In conclusion, I disagree with the statement by these for the two reasons I mentioned above.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Writing Score (0-30): 12-14 Score (0-5):1.75-2.00 Grammar & Feedback: 문법적인 오류가 많고 문장이 단조롭습니다. conclusion이 너무 짧습니다. 주장을 뒷받침 해주는 근거가 약하며 타당성이 부족해 보입니다. 수고하셨습니다. |