▶ Your Answer :
There are some disagreements over whether
or not people place too much emphasis on personal appearance and fashion. Some
people believe that focusing on appearance and fashion makes people waste their
valuable time. My view, however, is that their appearance and fashion is
important in the society. This is because people tend to estimate evaluate others through their
appearance and fashion when people meet at first. Moreover, their fashion and
appearance is related to their characteristic.
To
begin with, when people meet at first, their appearance and fashion play a significant
role (in what?). It is difficult for people to know about their innate inclination when
they encounter personally. This is due to the fact that people have need enough time
until they understand other's proclivity characteristics. Thus, appearance and fashion provide
people essential information and makes people waste their time to know about
other's tendency. For example, when people have job interviews with employee, people
should wear suitable clothes to represent themselves well. Job seeker who wear
casual clothes, cursory would be underestimated by their employers from employee and thus job seeker
would not enter in a company. On the other hand, graduated who wear demure and neat
suit would have beneficial estimation from employee. This is because the cloth
reveals his or her characteristic assumed that they are meticulous and planned.
As a result, it is important for job seeker to concentrate on their cloth to
enter in the company that they want.
In
addition, people can change their behavior along clothes that they wear. Cloth
has striking influence on their behavior, which means that people have tendency
to be sensitive from other's perspective and people know that it is bizarre for
them to behave opposite of how they dress in contrast on their clothe because of traditional practice. For
instance, police men and women wear their costume. When they wear their costume,
they perform like they are honest and robust. However, when they have holiday
and take some break, they behave freely and comfortably unlike they wear their
costume. This is due to the fact that they wear casual cloth and assuage the
sense of responsibility that they should safeguard the citizens. Consequently, appearance
and fashion that people wear have significant affect to their attitude.
[Score] 17-19 [Feedback] - Conclusion 필요. - 그것보다 더 중요한건 어색하고 문맥에 맞지 않는 어휘와 문장들이 너무 많습니다. (일일히 고쳐드리지 못해요) Highlight친 부분은 그러한 문장들 중 일부입니다. - costume 보다는 uniform이 맞습니다. - 사전을 이용하지 마시고 최대한 간결하고 심플하게 본인이 전달하고자 하는 바를 표현해보세요~
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