▶ Your Answer :
People often
consider their life as a series of new experiences and adventures. This makes
them place more importance on the future rather than the past. However, I think
comprehending the past is crucial when solving obstacles in front of us. (Comprehending --> Understanding 등으로 주제 사용된 단어가 아닌 다른 동의어를 자유롭게 활용해주세요)
First of all, the experiences in the past will help us learn how to avoid faults we made before. (구체적인 main reason) The past can become a source that teaches many lessons which will help us solve
obstacles in our life, and the mistakes can become a set of tools that help us reflect and overcome
hardships. This is proven by a study. For example, a group of researchers from Korea University did a research in Korea to find out the influence of understanding the past among 500 students as participants. They selected a group of
students and gave them some survey questions that asks whether they have a
habit of thinking about lessons they got from the past experiences. Then, researchers tracked the students for five years to find out if they have succeeded. The result
was that nearly seventy percent of students who said that they frequently think
about the past lessons succeeded in their own field. This shows that understanding the
past is crucial in bringing success to a person’s life.
Another reason
is that past experiences can be a huge source of information (to do what? 내용이 구체적이지 않습니다). These experiences
can help people know where to find advice when they face obstacles. Not only
can these experiences give lessons, they can also help people learn where to
get those lessons from. According to a survey done by a Yonsei university on (주제) with (대상), most of the people rely on past experiences and
the sources they learned when people face problems in their life as a reliable source through those experiences. This shows
how comprehending past experiences can help a person overcome hardships.
To
conclude, comprehending the past is crucial when overcoming problems. This is
because past experience can give the lessons that can be helpful tools when
they solve problems. Also, these can help them find reliable sources to get
information from. + 결론 파트의 마무리 문장이 없습니다.
--> 분리된 이유라고 보기엔 계속 같은 내용이 반복되며 구체적이지 않은 예시들이 등장하여 내용의 설득력을 저하시킵니다. 과거의 경험이 어떻게 reliable한 information으로 변모하는 지 등에 대한 부연설명 및 논리적 explanation이 부족합니다.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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LIMITED
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FAIR
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LIMITED
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FAIR
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GOOD
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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