▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, one’s daily habits
play an important role in people’s daily lives in many of the places where they
work or play. Some people say that people whose rooms are organized and neat
are more likely to be successful than those whose rooms are not while others do
not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their opinions. If I
could choose one side, I would say that those who keep their rooms clean are
more likely to achieve success than those who do not by following reason.
To start with, people with
organized rooms are more likely to have the characteristics
needed for success than those who do not. To keep rooms always nice and clean,
people need to be diligent and organized since they need to clean up the mess right away. These traits help people to have
higher achievement in life as the old saying goes,
"the early bird catches the worm." For instance, according to a
research conducted by Tokyo University in 2008, there was a big difference
between two groups of employees. The first group consisted of those who always
kept their seats clean and ordered, while the latter was made up of those who
had messy seats. The research showed that the first group tended to finish
their work earlier with higher accuracy than the latter group. Also, after 5
years, the first group was in a higher
position and earned more than the latter.
This implies that employees with clean seats were
more (had) diligent and organized, which helped them to have higher work
achievements to be more successful. (which
provided them better condition for success.) The latter group fell behind since they lacked those
characteristics needed for success.
All things considered, I believe
that people with neat rooms are easier to success than those who do not. All in
all, the importance of one's traits cannot be overestimated in the path to
one's success.
Writing Score (0-30): 22-24
Score (0-5): 3.50 - 3.75
Grammar & Feedback: second body paragraph가 있었으면 더 좋았을 것 같아요. 문법적
오류에 좀 더 주의 하세요. 수고하셨습니다.