It
is controversial whether students should take a long vacation once a year or
several brief vacations. In this regard, I think taking a long break is better
than few short breaks, because you can relax better, and develop yourself.
To begin with, having a long
vacation enables you to relax better. To be specific, if you have a short
break, you must choose between relaxing and studying more. Also, it is hard to
travel to other places. For example, when I had winter break for two weeks, I
really wanted to relax and have fun. However, I could not do that, because I
had to finish a lot of homework, and study in order to not forget what I have
learned in school. If I had a month or two months for vacation, I would have
been able to finish everything in two weeks, and have fun with my family for
another two weeks or a month.
In addition, you can use your time not just
for relaxing, but in a way of self-development. What I mean by this is that you
can go to fitness center for workout, read books, or learn something new which
you could not afford when you go to school. For instance, during the school
days, I was so busy with homework and tests, so I did not have time to study
for my English certificate exam. However, thanks to the long two months of
summer vacation, I could study for it and I got my certificate for English. If
it was a short vacation, I would have not been
able to achieve it.
Good (24)
두번째 본문
-마지막 문장 가정법 would have p.p. 써야합니다. 따라서, be-->been
본문의 내용들 조금만 더 풍성하게 써주세요. 예시도 본인 예시 두번 쓰셨습니다. 본인 예시 자체가 설득력이 떨어지고, 그것을 반복하면 더 객관성이 떨어집니다. 신경써주세요.
문법/표현은 대체로 괜찮습니다.
수고하셨습니다~~
In a nut shell, taking a long break is better
for students than having few short vacations because you can relax better by
having a good time with your family, and also you can use the time for
developing yourself.