Although there is no complete consensus that has been reached on this topic, yet I would like to take a stance and make my agreement with the given thesis that teachers should not make their social and political views known to students in the classroom. In order to substantiate my central focal points, I will provide specific reasons and explore the given topic in great details in this essay.
To start with, students might get a biased perspective from teachers' words and viewpoints about society and politics. Opponents of my perspective claim that it would be helpful for students to know more about social and political issues. Proponents of this view They have several points as the rationales for their argument and their argument might have some validity. But after closer look, there exists an abundance of examples that calling into question what they claim. Among such reasons, my personal experience can elucidate their incorrect viewpoint. When I was a middle school student, my history class teacher often talked about political issues. He was an advocate for the contemporary president and he had a kind of biased point of view about the president. I did not really know that because I was not really interested in political issues. Accordingly, I thought everything he claimed was correct and I relied not on my own thoughts but on the teacher’s knowledge. However, after I got older and became was interested in politics, I realized that the president was not as much a good person as the teacher described. This validates my earlier contention that students might get a biased perspective from teachers' viewpoint.
The account of mine that I illustrated above is not the only evidence to support my view. A recent survey conducted by one of the leading educational consulting firms in Korea endorsed my opinion when the survey respondents were asked whether they sided with the argument that teachers infuse their own perspectives to students and deprive the students’ opportunity to think of issues in a neutral position or not. A leading education expert claims that thinking think of the issues in a neutral position is really important for students. in a student age. 중립적인 입장에서 본다는 설명보다는 비판적인 사고라는 표현이 더 적절할 것 같아요. This is because, it can be a practice not to make fundamental mistake that of looking at something in a biased point of view when they became an adult. However, if students get information about politics and society from teachers with their limited knowledge, and the information will be inevitably be somewhat biased. It is horrible situation, if students have a partial opinion from their young ages. 선생님의 영향으로 인해 학생들이 무조건적으로 선생님의 관점을 수용하게 되고 교사가 biased view를 심어줄 수 있다는 내용은 본론1과 큰 차이가 없습니다. 구별된 두 가지 주장이 제시되는 편이 좋아요.
In conclusion, in spite of the fact that there may be some opinions that it is okay OK that teachers make their social and political views known to students in the classroom. However, taking into all the factors that I described above, we may reach to the conclusion that teachers should not make their own social and political perspectives known to their students in the classroom.
Comment :
각 본론이 좀 더 명확한 주장을 가지고 전개될 수 있도록 다듬어주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 정확하게 '그릇된 인식을 심을 수 있다'라거나 '비판적인 사고 능력이 떨어질 수 있어서 안 좋다'하는 식으로 주장을 제시하고 '왜 그런지'에 대한 설명을 보완해주는 것이 좋습니다. 시간여유가 된다면 템플릿 내용 중 분량을 채워주는 사족들 대신에 주장과 근거를 더 보완해서 명확한 논리로 발전시켜보시는 것도 좋을 것 같습니다. 접속사를 사용한 문장에서 문법오류가 종종 보이니 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5
An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following :
- Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details
(일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함)
- Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured
(문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남)
- Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections
(중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남)
- Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning
(글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임)