▶ Your Answer :
Some people say that technology and
pollution have been threatening people’s health. (people become worse in their
health because modern technology and pollution.) However, I believe that people
living in the present eat healthier than those
who lived in the past. The first reason is
that people who lived in the past had
limited access to food. The second reason is that we have developed technology so that
there is more adaptable food in the world.
To begin with, people had limited access to food in the past. (there
were only limited diets.) It was because the food trade among countries was not as active as it is
now. (they did not trade each other across continents.) Locals could only have domestic food products. (had their own crops that was suitable to location
and climate so they could not yield various crops.) Furthermore, meat was
scarce because of hardness and danger of hunting. For example, Columbus brought potatoes to Spain from America. (disperse
potato in their country after he discovered it in the America.) Before then,
his hometown experienced lack of food. Apart from that, the meat, the main source
of protein, could only be consumed by rich people
on special days. (treated by high-state people or in holidays.)
Second,
in modern era, food technology has made cultivation
a lot easier. )we have progressed technology regarding food.) For example, bananas were one of the most difficult fruit
to be cultivated. They used to very rare and expensive. Thanks to modern technology,
we can eat bananas every day. (Passing
the time, human make certain species that are appropriate to cultivation, which
means that banana, we are consuming now, is the one specie that survive to be
cultivated. There would have been difficult in finding appropriate banana in
the past to eat and cultivating.) In addition, we have GMO food, which is more nutritious than regular food. (made
by certificated gene. Eating GMO food, we can enjoy it with combined nutrients.
It would bring you healthier. )
In conclusion, we now have more access to a variety of food. (ingredients
and selected food by technology.) For these reasons, I disagree that people in
the past ate healthier food than today’s people do.
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Writing Score(0-30): 15-17
Score(0-5): 2.25-.50
Grammar & Feedback: 문법적 오류가 많습니다. 우선 포인트는 잘 잡으신 것 같은데 그것을 효과적으로 전달하는데 한계가 있었던 것 같아요. 그리고 첫번째 두번째 이유가 다 큰 맥락에서 보자면 하나의 이유로 줄일수도 있었던 것 같습니다. 수고하셨어요.