▶ Your Answer : Many
people believe that university students should major in fields with increasing
job prospects. Others even go so far as to say that fields that aren’t very
lucrative should be abolished. However, I disagree with the idea that college
students should study fields with increasing job prospects because of reasons
of personal and societal viewpoints.
To
begin with, I believe that students should develop their dreams based on their
interests, not secular reasons such as job prospects. Focusing only in on areas that
have lucrative and honorable prospects is a very cowardly choice. If college
students study fields based on such a criterion criteria, most of them will eventually figure out how much they do not enjoy the field or are not suit for the field. 얼마나 안 즐기는지 / 얼마나 안 적합한지 알아내게 된다는 표현이 좀 어색한 것 같아요. 진짜 흥미와 동떨어져서 전망만 보고 선택하면 끝까지 흥미를 가지고 공부를 이어가기 어렵다, 자신이 즐길 수 없거나 맞지 않는다고 느끼면 의욕은 더욱 줄어든다, 하는 식의 표현을 사용해봐도 것도 좋을 것 같아요. This will leave them with no other choice, the time being too late for them to
go back and choose another field. For example, I saw an interesting survey on
New York Times on the satisfaction of medical students in their academic life.
Apparently, 70% of the students did not enjoy studying the medical field and answered they would make a different choice if they could go back. Although studying medicine
is a very well-known and popular lucrative field of study for its prospects, many students
expressed that the money was not worth studying something they were not
interested in.
Secondly,
the society needs intellects in various areas. If the majority of the college
students choose to study in future prospective jobs only, there will be fields of
study with no demand. This will leave many unpopular yet still essential fields
of study abandoned and have them eventually disappear. disappeared/vanished. So to keep the balance
of the demands in studies, college students should not follow majors according
to prospects. 학문적 수요에 의해서라는 표현은 범위를 좁힐 수 있으니 문단 초반에서 설명한 것처럼 사회발전을 위해서 다양한 전공분야의 발전이 필요하다는 점을 appeal하면 더 좋을 것 같아요. To illustrate, I saw an interesting report on the news of BBC
about the collapse of art. Although art has affected human lives immensely and
positively, people have stopped to show interest in it because of the lack of
money it gives back. The news mentioned that it will be a matter of time before
the whole field disappears out of our interest like it never existed.
In conclusion,
I assert that university students should not study fields with increasing
prospects, unless it is their field of interest. Students should choose fields
that they can enjoy for in the long term. Also, it is harmful and dangerous for
the society to have intellects concentrated in a few particular fields of study.
All kinds and levels of education should open and encourage all kinds of fields
for students to support students them to find the right field for them.
Comment : 논제의 내용에 맞게 학생들이 전망이 밝은 전공만 공부해야 한다는 입장을 잘 반박해주셨습니다. 학생 개인의 흥미와 사회적 필요성을 중심으로 내용을 잘 설명해주신 것 같아요. 문단으로 내용을 풀어낼 때 내 주장을 더 강조하고 주제와의 관련성을 더 잘 드러내는 방향을 생각하면서 검토하시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 전반적으로 깔끔하게 잘 구성된 답안입니다. 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4.5/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Effectively addresses the topic and task (주어진 주제에 대해 정확하게 이해하고 답변을 제시함) - Is well organized and well developed, using clearly appropriate explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절한 설명과 예시를 사용하여 글을 전개・구성함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence (통일성, 연속성, 일관성을 보임) - Displays consistent facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety, appropriate word choice and idiomaticity, though it may have minor lexical or grammatical errors (사소한 어휘・문법적 오류를 보일 수는 있으나 대체로 적절한 어휘와 표현을 사용하고 다양한 형태의 문장, 유창한 언어 구사력을 보임) |