▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that young generation should live with their
families. This is because they can develop their independence as they support
their parents and they can help each other when a family member faces some
difficulties. However, I think that young adults should live independence from
their parents if they really want to be independent mentally and emotionally .
First, young adults should learn how to live alone because they cannot
live with their family during rest of their lives. People's parents will be dead
as they are getting older, and their parents cannot help their children after
they die as well. So, young adults should prepare their future when they live
without their parents. For example, my father is the first son, so we had lived
with grandparents until they died. Because we considered that it was quite quiet
natural to live with grandparents, it would last forever. As we were thinking
like this, my father got a lot of stress when grandparents passed away. I think
that he really relied on his parents mentally, even though he supported them financially.
So, he did not learn how to live without them. Also, he did not have a chance
to prepare the moment. So, he has been sad and missed very much our
grandparents until now, even though he has a family. So, people need to live
alone since they would have enough time to prepare that moment in advance and
develop their independence.
Second, young people should know their financial responsibilities. Some
people think that children can save money if they live in parents’ house. It
would be true that they can save their money since they do not need to pay the
maintenance fee and the house rent. However, they never have an opportunity to
learn their financial responsibilities. For example, when I was a university
student, I lived with my parents. At that time, I did not know what maintenance
fee is and even how to pay for it. And then, I got a job, and I had to live a
studio where was far from my parents' house. I realized that living alone takes
a lot of money, and I should save money to pay the rent. This experience allows
me to know how to save and handle my money. If I had not had this experience, I
could not have built my financial responsibility.
To
sum up, living with the family has some advantage. If they live with their
parents, they can help them financially. Despite the fact that they would save
money, it would strip chance to learn the financial responsibilities from
people. Also young generation would learn independence when they support their
old parents. However, I think that it is not the real independence. In order to
get sense of independence mentally, people should live alone and get a time to prepare
how to live without parents.
Good (24–30) 첫번째 본문 -철자 오류
두 본문 다 내용 괜찮습니다. 하지만 예시 둘 중 하나는 보다 객관적인 예시를 써주시면 더 설득력있는 글이 됩니다.
수고하셨습니다~~
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