▶ Your Answer :
Without doubt, friends play a significant role in people’s daily lives in many of the places where they work or play.
Some people think that people can learn a lot about
a person from the type of friends that he or she has, while others do not. Both
sides have their own reasons to support their own views. If I were asked to
choose one, I would say that people cannot know about a person very
well through his or her friends because people no longer make only friends
who have the same environment. There are several reasons as follows.
It is difficult to know about people’s
personality from their friends because many people mingle with others who are
different from them. People can meet diverse people from different backgrounds
easily and make friends. 다양한 친구를 사귀기 때문에 어떤 친구를 사귀느냐에 따라 그 사람에 대해 판단할 수 없다는 주장은 적절합니다. 그러나 이 뒷부분에서 나오는 내용은 다양한 친구를 사귀는 것의 장점일 뿐 '그 사람에 대해 판단할 수 없음'을 보여주지 못합니다. 요즘 사람들이 다양한 친구들을 사귈 수 있게 된 배경, 그리고 그것이 개인에 대한 판단 기준이 될 수 없다고 보는 '이유'를 연결해서 설명해주세요. Such experience helps them to acknowledge that there
are many people who have different personalities, habits, faith, to understand
this variety, and to ultimately be comfortable with it. For example, when I
went to volunteer to Africa to volunteer, I saw one of our volunteering members mingling
with a total stranger very well. First, I kept my distance from her because I and
she were are too different people. I was a passive and shy person, but she was very
optimistic and passionate. However, we could be close soon because I realized
that she had a lot of good personality that she cared about her family and
friends, was committed to relationships, and played her part better. I no
longer felt feel awkward and could can make friends with her. This implies that people not
only socialize with people who are similar to them, but also mingle with others
who are very different from them.
All things considered, I strongly believe that people have
mingled with friends with different personalities and it makes it difficult
for other people to know about them by their friends for the reasons I have mentioned
above. All in all, the importance of having friends from different backgrounds
cannot be overestimated in life. 마지막 부분에 다양한 친구를 사귀는 것이 중요하다는 설명도 논점에 맞지 않습니다.
Comment : 개인이 사귀는 친구들의 유형이 다양하기 때문에 친구들로 그 사람에 대해 판단을 내릴 수는 없다는 주장은 아주 적절합니다. 하지만 그 내용을 설명하기 위해서는 다양한 친구들이 있기 때문에 개인의 성격이나 취향, 환경을 친구들만으로 판단할 수 없다는 연결이 이어져야 합니다. 현재 본론에서는 여러 친구들을 사귀면 좋은 점과 개인이 얼마든지 다양한 친구를 사귈 수 있다는 사실 자체에만 초점이 가 있기 때문에 논제에 대한 답변이 되기 어렵습니다. 모델에세이 내용을 활용할 때는 자칫 논점에 어긋나는 내용이 만들어지기 쉬우니 논제가 묻는 핵심 내용에 유의하면서 응용해주시는 것이 좋습니다. 논점에 맞지 않는 부분들을 정리하고 다시 한 번 주제에 부합하는 방향으로 답안을 작성해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우) - Inadequate organization or connection of ideas (연결이나 구성이 부적절한 경우) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임)
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