▶ Your Answer :
Some people argue that universities should
require students to take diverse diversity subjects. However, I do not agree with the
statement. I strongly believe that universities require students to specialize
in one subject. There are two reasons why I think like that, and I will explain
the reasons in my essay.
First of all, students who are required to
focus on one major, can prepare their future career well. If students have to study
too many different subjects required, they cannot focus on any subject.
Undoubtedly, they will not be able unable to know how to work after graduating in real
workplace. 한 과목에도 집중하기 어렵다는 것이 갑자기 일할 때의 어려움으로 이어지는 건 어색한 것 같아요. 졸업 후에 자신이 잘 하는 진로를 결정하기가 어려워진다거나 하는 식으로 좀 더 매끄럽게 연결할 수 있게끔 내용을 만들어주세요. There is one research conducted by Seoul National University in 2013
which shows had shown this phenomenon well. In this study, researchers compared two
groups; one was made up by of students who were required to take various subjects
in universities, and the other another group was consisted of students who studied only
one subject deeply. According to this research, the second group showed was shown high
achievement in their career than the first group was.
Secondly, if universities require required students to
take one major subject, they can save amount of funds for the finance of education.
This is because, to hire professors requires high cost for universities. Of
course, to educate diverse subjects to students, universities need to employ so many
professors. However, if universities require required students to take classes only related to their major subjects, they can hire a few professors who specialize in their
major, because the processors can teach diverse and deep class to students. 대학 입장에서 돈이 절약된다는 내용은 설득력이 좀 떨어지는 것 같아요. 한 학생이 한 가지를 깊이 배우더라도 학생들마다 전공이 다 다르기 때문에 대학의 규모나 교수 임용에 대한 비용 차이는 연결하기가 애매한 것 같아요. 교육 토픽에서는 교육적으로 더 좋은 부분이 어떤 것인지를 설명하는 편이 주제 반영도 면에서도 더 유리하니 학생들이 여러 과목을 듣는 것보다 한 과목에 집중하는 게 더 좋은 이유 위주로 주장을 만들어주시는 게 좋을 것 같아요.
To
sum up, universities educate students to specialize in one major for two
advantages; to get ready to their career well, and to can save their budgets. For these
two reasons, I strongly claim that students should be are required to specialize in one
subject from universities.
Comment : 커리어 면에서 풀어낸 주장은 좋은 아이디어였는데, 대학의 예산과 관련지어서 제시한 주장은 내용이 조금 어색한 것 같아요. 학생이 누릴 수 있는 이점 측면에서 내용을 제시하는 편이 논리를 풀어내기에 조금 더 쉬울 것 같아요. 문법오류도 종종 있는 편이니 꼼꼼하게 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우) - Inadequate organization or connection of ideas (연결이나 구성이 부적절한 경우) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |