▶ Your Answer :
Friendship
is one of the most important factors in human life, so people are always trying
to keep their friendship. Some people are afraid
that it might hurt their beloved friend’s feelings if they tell the truth. So
sometimes they let their friends make mistakes. (even if some people let
their friends make a mistake.) However, I think it is not right. I believe (am an opinion) that people should take
action when their friends make mistakes (even if it has potential risks
destroying their friendships) for the following two reasons: real friends
should lead their friends in the right ways,
and taking actions for friends' mistakes is
actually beneficial for them.
To begin with, there are lots of friend roles such as hanging out together,
advising, counseling and so on. I think the most important role is correcting
mistakes. (of one's friends.) Letting friends make
mistakes is the same as neglecting your duty as a friend. (not more than
negligence.) By helping them learn from their
mistakes, (to recover their mistakes,) the friendship would be deeper
and stronger. For instance, when I was (attended)
in middle school, I was shorter (my height
was lower) than the average, and one of my
friends made fun of me. (jeered with my
height.) I did not care much about it in the
beginning, however, it started to annoy me as time went by. So I decided to
confront him about the issue. I explained him how his comments made me feel.
After that he apologized and never made fun of me anymore. We are still friends and we always keep in touch. (At
the very beginning, I did not care about it, but as time passed, I could not
withstand it and I explained my feelings that I was hurt due to his mischief.
After that, he understood me, and apologized seriously. Since this incident, we
have kept in touch each other for 12 years. This event fortified our relationship.)
On top of that, correcting friends' mistake is
genuinely helpful for them. By taking care of them, (friends can take advantage
of the (from)
actions of their friends. 무슨 의미인지 모르겠네요.) For instance, I
hung out with my friends on Christmas Eve in downtown area. It was very crowded. (and
enormous people were crowded in downtown.) One of
my friends was too excited and he ended up drinking a lot. He was completely
drunk a few hours later and wanted to drive home. (He could not control
his excitements and he drank a lot. After a few hours flied, he was completely
drunken, and tried to drive to his home.) I (just) stopped him right away. If I
had not stopped him, he might have driven (to)
home. (while he was drunken.) He could have caused
an accident. (Nobody knows it was going to cause a horrible accident.)
In conclusion, fixing a friend’s mistake
(of one's friend) can be beneficial for you and the friend both. (draw them to
right ways and is more beneficial than just leaving.) For these reasons, I think
people should take action for their friends' mistakes even if it has a
possibility of losing their friendship.
Writing
Score (0-30):18-20
Score
(0-5): 2.75-3.00
Grammar
& Feedback: 문법적 오류가 많고 어색한 문장들도 많습니다. 문장을 너무 길게 쓰기 보다는 조금 더 짧게 쓰시면 좀 더 명확한 의미의 문장이 될 것 같습니다. 잘 쓰여진 예시나 글을 많이 읽다 보시면 어떻게 그리고 어떤 형식으로 써야 되는지 천천히 감이 잡히실 거에요. 수고하셨어요.
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