▶ Your Answer : Some people think that the world today is easier for Yyoung Generation to live in compared to the past. However, in my opinion, the world today is difficult to live in for several reasons. There are two reasons. One reason is that having a job is hard. And, the other reason is that air pollution is serious rather than the past. ^ To begin with, it is difficult to get a job nowadays. Entering the company young peole want is like a camel passing through the eye of a needle. So, in order to stand out, we have to do many things like experience to study abroad and having a lot of prizes. Last year, my brother entered to the company he wanted. He says that there are many things I have to do and gaive me an advice to that study hard for getting a job from now on. All things considered, I think that it is very hard to live in the world these days since difficulty of having a job. ^ In addition, the environment is polluted by people compared to ing the past. The mass media always deals with the problems about the environment like increasing the amount of the carbon dioxide and contamination of water. A study conducted by a group of ecology majors to determine whether air pollution is more serious polluted rather than the past. One group is formed of things like degree of air pollution in the past and other group consisted of materials like degree of air pollution today. The researchers compared the outcomes and recorded that degree of air pollution is worse than the past. The reasons is that there are a few factors that cause air pollution in the past. ^ To sum up, Young Generation is hard to get a job they want and thus they have a lot of stress. Moreover, the degree of air pollution is worse. So, there are many diseases compared to the past. For these reasons, I firmly believe that the past when our grandparents were young is easier to live in.
Good (24–30)
서론 -토픽에서 Young Generation을 한 단어처럼 썼으니 둘다 대문자로 써주시던가 둘다 소문자로 써주시던가 둘을 맞춰주세요.
첫번째 본문 -문맥상 과거일때 과거 동사 -that 절은 주어+동사 필요합니다. 따라서, that I have to study hard~로 하시던가 바꿔준대로 to 로 바꿔주세요.
두번째 본문 -compared to 로 써주세요 -pollution is more polluted는 중복되고 어색한 표현입니다. 서론처럼 pollution is more serious 정도로 써주세요. 두 본문 다 내용 괜찮습니다.
수고하셨습니다~ |