▶ Your answer :
Some people think that in the a financial crisis, the Government should not spend money on education, health support and unemployment support. However, I suggest that in the a financial crisis, the Government should provide these supports.
First, the Government should spend money because of consumption. In the a financial crisis, the people does do not have enough money to consume. This provides the situation that where the companies and stores cannot sell enough products in the market. Again, the employees or owners of these companies and stores does do not spend money. Normal citizens cannot solve this problem. Only the The only institution that can solve this problem is the Government. By providing enough money through supporting education, health, and unemployment, people can get enough money to consume goods. There is a famous example in world history. :The Great Depression. Many economy scholars admit that the main reason of the Great Depression is that there was not enough support for the unemployment. unemployed. Therefore, the Government provided great support for education, health, and unemployment. The result was good enough to support the America during the Second World War.
Next, we can find reason why the government provide enough support atb by examining the conditions of the people. If there is not enough support for the people in the a financial crisis, that man or woman people cannot work because of the illness (What kind of illness? 더 자세히 써주세요). For example, one of the my best friends was living in the quite rich family. However, after his father have was suffering from a bad disease, his family became poor. In addition, the government's health support was not provided for them at 2008 crisis, which was a global financial crisis. This incident made them very hardsuffer financially.
To sum up, providing money for the education, health support and unemployment support is needed to solve persisting consumption, and medical problems of the workers.
[Score] 23-24
[Feedback] - 단수 복수 수 일치
주의하세요. - 관사에 더 신경을 써주세요. ex. 한정 명사구이면 the를 붙이는 게 맞지만, 그냥 financial crisis를 말하는 거면 a가 붙습니다. - The Great Depression 예시는 매우 적절한 예시였습니다. - 글의 흐름도 좋았습니다. 다만, transition words들을 더 써주시면 좋을 거 같아요. 수고하셨습니다.
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