▶ Your Answer :
Some people might think that one person's the fashion style of a person reflects his or her characteristic. However, in my opinion, it is almost impossible in this society to judge a person by how they look (Topic sentence를 쓸 때에는 명확하게 써야합니다) for following two reasons.
To begin with, it is not easy for one person to reveal his or her personality through the way he dresses because many jobs require people in the fields to wear the same costumes. For example, doctor, nurse, or chef should wear the same uniforms regardless of their personality. Moreover, lots of people spend most of their time working in these days. As a result, they can't have enough chance to wear dresses that express their own characteristics. In this sense, I will take an example of myself. I am a stewardess, and therefore I have to wear my uniform all day in work. There are rare chances for me to wear short skirts and high heels. These things are my favorite fashion, and they it shows well my personality well which can be represented by the that likes some desire to be splendid and to draw others' attention. In addition, my colleagues who have different personalities from me also cannot help but wear the same uniform as well.
Moreover, there are almost so many same dresses in market. This is because designers select a specific fashion trend collectively before the season, and they make dresses along the decision. Therefore, only similar dresses are released to the market, and as a result, customers cannot have chance to buy a wide range of costumes. For example, I have a friend who are so different from me. She is quite and introverted. In contrast, I am extroverted and like to meet diverse people. In addition, the same can be said applied to fashion taste. To explain Specifically, I like bright colors and short skirts, but my friend likes pants and dark colors. However, last time, when we went shopping together, we could not help but buy quietly quite similar t-shirts. This is because there were not assorted kinds of dresses in the department store. To be specific, at that time, blue sleeveless t-shirts were fashion trend, and most brands made them with almost same design. As a result, we wore the same t-shirts even though we had different personalities and tastes.
To sum up, in this society, it is difficult for people to wear along their own personalities because many jobs make them wear the same uniforms. In addition, dresses in market have almost same designs. In this regard, I firmly believe that the way that people dresse cannot reflect accurately their own characteristics.
[Score] 22-23 [Feedback] - 글쓴이가 주장하고자 하는 바를 적절한 예시와 근거를 통해 잘 뒷받침 해주었어요. 아이디어도 아주 좋습니다. - 다만, 몇 가지 주의해야 할 사항들이 있네요. 1) Introduction에서 topic sentence를 쓸 때에는 보다 명확할 것. 그리고 following two reasons도 간략하게 언급해주시면 좋아요. 2) one person을 자꾸 he로 지칭하시는데, he or she라고 하거나 아니면 아예 people이라고 하고 대명사 'they'를 써주시는게 좋아요. 3) 시간이 남으시면 꼭 오타 (ex. quiet vs. quite)나 수 일치 등을 확인해주세요~!^^ |