▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that they can achieve more when they are with other people. While I admit that there are some benefits when they are with other people, I think it’s people are more productive when they are alone.
On the one hand,First of all, they people can think of many creative distinctive ideas when they work together. For example, when people are collaborating, they can come up with more answers, solutions and ideas. Therefore, the work can be done a lot faster and more effectively. they have to create publicity, they have to cooperate to come up with a lot of different ideas and choose on them.
On the other hand, if people always working together and rely on other people, they tend to become lazy. about thinking or dependent people without thinking. It is important to try to complete tasks on one's own, however, one can always ask for help if it it necessary. It is certain that one can develop problem solving skills and a sense of independence by working individually. They can work alone and when they can’t deduce about that work, then they ask to help, it’s not too late to ask. It’s important to trying working alone. This habit can build up a spirit of independence and problem solving skills.
Therefore, I support the idea that it’s more productive when they work alone.
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Writing Score(0-30): 8-10
Score (0-5): 1.00-1.25
Grammar&Feedback: 글이 너무 짧고 내용전개가 엉성하며 설득력이 매우 약합니다. 주장에 대한 근거도 명확하지 않습니다. 주장은 혼자 일할 때 더 productive하다는 것인데 supporting ideas들은 협력할 때 더 결과가 좋다는 내용이라 혼란 스럽네요. 문법및 어휘도 더 많은 노력이 필요합니다. 기본적인 문장부터 차근차근 공부 하시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고하셨어요.