▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that attractive
appearance and fashion is more important than one’s ability to succeed. However
in my opinion, one’s ability is much more important than appearance or fashion.
There are two reasons. First, most companies do not hire employees because of
their appearances. Second, a person who have has a great ability could easily get a
chance of promotion.
To begin with, people start to think
appearance and fashion is are not important factor factors when hiring employees anymore. In addition, there are
only few companies that are still hiring with by only looking at applicants' appearances. Hiring
employees regardless of their looks is getting popular because civic
consciousness is changing. For example, I remember that my sister was
struggling to get a job when I was in the high school. All companies did not
hire her and the only one reason why they didn't hire her was her looks because she was little bit
fatter than others at that time. Several years later, this situation became a big
issue, and many people stated started to blame companies and boycott their products. As
a result, most company does do not considering consider applicants’ appearances and their
fashions these days.
On top of that, employees' ability abilities leads to
highly efficient work process and the purpose of companies is making to make high
profits. For these reasons, companies prefer a competent person rather than a
good-looking person. In addition, companies give many chances of promotion to
the competent employees. For instance, there was a poll conducted by the
Employee Assistance Program with current employers as respondents. The purpose
of the survey was about to determine the factor which that is the most important at the work
place. The majority of respondents answered that the ability is on the top
priorities. The reasons were mainly concerned with work flows. They believed that competent
workers can handle many problems efficiently. This survey proves that employers
place priority on employees’ ability abilities over anything else.
To sum up, most of all companies are
currently hiring workers regardless of their the applicants' appearances. Moreover, big companies
prefer competent employees. In this regard, I firmly hold believe that one’s ability is
a more important factor than one's attractive appearance and fashions.
[Score] 24-25
[Feedback]
- 단수 복수 수 일치 주의하세요.
- generalize 할 때는 복수를 써주세요. ex. employers prioritize those with more skills.
- 더 자세히 써주세요. ex. people start to think appearance and fashion are not important factors anymore. 언제 사람들이 이렇게 생각하는지 더 자세하게 써주셔야 해요.
- 예시도 매우 좋았고 자기주장이 뚜렷했습니다.
수고하셨습니다.
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