▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that paying more money in
on advertising is effective to succeed in business. However in my opinion, regardless
of investing a lot of money into advertising, business could be successful. There are two reasons.
First, the effect of advertisement is not always proportional to the money.
Second, advertising strategy is more important than putting more money into
advertising.
To begin with, money generally can affect
to the quality of advertisement. However, putting more money into advertisement
to increase its quality does not always work. In addition, it can cause much
worse situations in some cases. For example, there was a well-made shampoo advertisement
in Korea TV commercial. The model of that advertisement was a super star so it
was renowned widely known that the advertising company paid a lot of money to work with that
model. Consequently, that shampoo became a best seller in that periodat the time. But However, few
months later, that model commit committed a crime which was he hit a pedestrian by his
car because of drunkenness.a drunk driving incident, which resulted in hurting a pedestrian. Everybody got was shocked and they started to boycott
products that was related with to him. Therefore, the shampoo company deteriorated
rapidly and it it's profit margin became worse than before even though they spend spent a lot of money
to make a good advertisement.
On top of that, advertising method is much
important rather than spending plenty of money. the amount of money spent on it. In advertising, there are many
essential factors that should be considered but money is not one of them. It
means even if there are enough money to advertise a product, advertisements cannot
be successful without the essential factors. For example, there were a boat
company selling nice yachts. They decided to make a fancy billboard to let people
know about their company and to promote to buy their boats. However, they did not
consider the places to put it on, so they hang hung it on the top of a skyscraper in
downtown. Although they paid a lot of money to display their billboard, they
could did not succeed because nobody want wanted to buy that boat in the city which is was far
from the sea or the lake. They already spent a lot of money to turn it back and
they went almost bankrupt due to overlooking the essential factors. (노란색으로 highlight된 문장은 무슨 뜻인지 모르겠습니다. 더 자세히 설명해주세요.)
To sum up, money do does not always make
effective advertisements. Moreover, making a succeeding business cannot be accomplished without the
essential factors, like the consideration of the location of the advertisement on the advertisement regardless of how much money is used for it.
In this regard, I firmly hold that putting more money in advertising do does not
lead to establishing a successful business.
[Score]
23-24
[Feedback]
- 현재형과 과거형 중에
한 개를 선택해 시제를 맞춰주세요.
- 단수 복수 수 일치 주의하세요.
- 명사가 나오기 전에
관사를 붙여주세요.
- But으로 문장을 시작하는건 피해주세요. However이나 Nevertheless로 교체해주세요.
- 예시는 매우 좋았습니다. 주장을 잘 support해줬습니다.
-글의 흐름도 자연스러웠습니다.
수고하셨습니다~
|