▶ Your Answer :
Various
opinions may exist over the argument whether high schools should require all
students to learn general subjects. As far as I am concerned, I have a am in complete
agreement about with this argument. Two ideas stated below can be a valid evidences
to support my view.
First, learning
general subjects like music or art with other students shows outstanding
effectiveness in improving social skills. Modern society admittedly requires people
who surpass others both in specialty and sociability. To be more specific,
interpersonal relationships and social skills are necessary qualifications for
any successful person. Therefore, given the need for collaboration today,
learning about general subjects together for students in general subjects is more vital in building a
more promising future. Thus, in order for high schools to have talented
students, teaching general subjects is a better decision. (compared to what? Explain) A research conducted
by a renowned professor, john John Nathan from Harvard University, indicates that
students who often spend quality time with their friends in school attain the
goal of improving communication skills in a much more effectual way when having
the same accomplishments is somewhat stunted for students who only focus on
studying alone not to have any cherished memories with peers. Likewise, his
research proves that my argument is compelling.
Moreover,
general subjects can usher people into the right direction by teaching them
various knowledge and the true value of learning. Some students are immature to
have thorough understandings of learning and are likely to become incapable or
of coping with problems at pivotal moments of their lives. At such times, lots of
experience in general subjects offer chances for maturation and enlightens them
about important values so that they can become a better student.students.
Taking all of
these reasons into consideration, we should I agree with the idea that students
should spend their time in studying various subjects and having integration
working with others since it is important to improving improve sociability and having learn meaningful
lessons.
[Score]
28-29
[Feedback]
- Minor grammatical errors빼고는 문법에 문제는 없었습니다.
- 만약 쓰고 시간이 남는다면 double check를 해서 minor mistakes도 고쳐주세요!
- 글의 흐름도 매우 자연스러웠습니다.
-예시도 주장을 잘 support하고 적절했습니다.
- 다만, 두번째 바디 문단에도 예시를 넣어주면 좋을 거 같아요.
수고하셨습니다~
|