▶ Your Answer :
As society develops, many issues arise
regarding our lives and raise heated debate among people. One such issue that
arouses our interest is whether it is mandatory to talk about something
controversial via e-mail or by telephone. People from different walks of life
may have different stances on this issue. Personally, I agree with the
statement. There are several reasons that validate my opinion, but in this
essay I will introduce two reasons as follows.
First of all, it is easier to show one’s
logical process by writing using e-mail than talking with telephone. Let’s take a look at what the
opposite side claims. They argue that debating fiercely by telephone is
compulsory rather than by e-mail. They cite a few as the reasons for their
argument. One such reason is that people could respond to their opponent
immediately. Some of their ideas may seem to have a point. Still, their supporting is mostly groundless
and barely convincing. The fact of the matter is that there are enormous
examples that cast doubts on their indication. Among them, my personal
experience can and demonstrate why the people should use email to debate something
controversial. Whenever I am with my friends, I enjoy talking with them
about the statement which could be controversial. My friend and I usually have
different stances on the issue. My friends demonstrate their points more
logically than me. Thus, I cannot suggest my stance on the agenda to them.
However, if I talk with them by e-mail, I prepare for the issue and figure out
the logical process. As a result, I sometimes propose my suggestion to them and
they are willing to follow my opinion. This my personal experience can prove
that it is better to use using e-mail for controversial debate than talking by
telephone.
Second, telephone sometimes has a technical
problem such as low signal, even disconnecting their connection. In addition to my personal
experience above, there is a interesting survey result that is compelling
evidence for my position. According to a survey conducted by department
of electric science in Yonsei University, which is one of the best prestigious
universities y in Korea, more than 70 percent of surveyed people responded that
they had experienced the accidental disconnecting when they talk with somebody
through their telephone. Although technological development have been processed in
telephone industry, it is not yet completely resolved with telephone
connection. Thus, if their telephone does not doesn’t working when somebody debates about
important issue by phone, they could not couldn’t handle the problem and talk with
somebody anymore via phone. Therefore, debating by e-mail has lower risk of technological problem than
by phone.
All in all, I think that using e-mail rather than the telephone to talk about controversial issue is required. First reason is that people can set up their logic more carefully and plausibly. Second reason is that the technological problem using telephone like disconnection when talking is reduced by writing e-mail.
Good (24) 서론 -many 이므로 복수로 표현해주세요.
첫번째 본문 -이 문맥에서는, writing과 using 같은 뜻으로 쓰입니다. 따라서, 하나는 제거해주세요. -표현 오류 and-->can -to부정사는 to+동사 원형 두번째 본문 -best와 prestigious 같은 의미, 따라서 하나만 써주세요. -one of+복수 -축약형 지양해주세요. doesn't-->does not, couldn't-->could not
내용 둘다 괜찮습니다. 문법 개선해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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