▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, company plays an important
role in employees’ lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some
people say that company should pay for their employees’ university degrees
while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their
opinions. If I could choose one side, I would say that companies don’t have to
pay for their employees’ university degrees for the following reasons.
To start with, even though the a company financially
aids their employees to study in university, the company wouldn’t be able to get
any benefit from doing that. All companies' the company’s main goal is to make a lot of
profits. However, paying for their employees to receive university degrees
doesn’t directly provide any economic gain. For example, my uncle runs a small car
company in Korea. One day, he found out that many of his employees didn’t have
university degrees and he thought that paying for them to study more in college
would eventually be helpful for the company’s growth. Therefore, he began to
fund fifty employees for three years hoping them to produce more profit and
contribute to the company’s development. However, he found out that it never helped
his company and even negatively affected its growth. In particular, employees’ absence rate was
higher than before, and they were often distracted by their studies. Also, some
of the employees even transferred to another a different company after receiving
degrees, which was a total loss for my uncle. My uncle thought that his funding for his employees' studies in university was just a waste of money. This example implies that there
is no reason for the company to pay for the employees’ university degrees.
All things considered, it is not necessary
for the company to pay for their worker’s university degrees for the reasons
mentioned above. All in all, the importance of profit making in of a company cannot
be overestimated in modern society.
Comment : 주제에 맞게 주장과 사례를 일관된 서술로 잘 풀어주셨어요. 시간 여유가 된다면 서론에서 following reasons라고 소개한 것처럼 본론을 두 개 정도로 제시할 수 있게끔 발전시켜보는 것도 좋을 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (완벽하지는 않지만 문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남)
- Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임) |