▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, teachers play an important
role in students’ lives in many of the places where they study or play. Some
people say that all school teachers should be required to take courses in every
four years to update their knowledge, while others don’t. Both sides may have
their own reasons to support their opinions. If I could choose one side, I
would say that it should be mandatory for teachers to take courses every four
years to obtain new knowledge. There are some reasons as follows.
First, updating teachers' teacher’s knowledge can
bring better academic results. When teachers take classes that give some new
information, they will be able to add that new knowledge to their lectures.
This can improve the quality of their lectures which will be helpful for the
students. For example, in the research conducted by Tokyo University, there was
a huge difference between two student groups who took American History class
from different teachers. The first group consisted of those who learned from a
teacher who didn’t take the course providing that provides some new issues, while the
latter group was made up of those who took a class taught by a teacher who obtained
new knowledge in the course. The latter group tended to rate higher scores in
the same exam. Also, the latter group was more likely to be satisfied about the
lecture. This implies that new information that the teacher got from the course
helped him to provide better lecture to his students which resulted in higher
academic achievements.
Secondly, if teachers do not take the
courses every four years for new knowledge, they might convey wrong information
to students. Four years is enough time for mMany things to be changed. must have changed during four years. Therefore,
without updating, teachers may teach wrong information. For instance, when I
was in high school, I learned that a certain site in Korea was the evidence of
Japanese colonization. However, I later I got to know knew that the evidence was actually found turned out to be invalid a few years before. If my teacher had been was required to take the course to
update her knowledge, I would have gotten the correct information. 본론1과 분량 차이가 커서 글의 균형이 아쉬워요. 설명 내용에서도 변화하는 사회상이나 여러 학계 소식들을 제대로 학생들이 알아야 한다는 점을 강조해주는 내용을 더 보완하고, 사례에서도 선생님이 이 내용을 제대로 모르고 알려줘서 내가 잘못 알았다는 내용 등을 보완해서 본론1과 분량을 어느정도 비슷하게 만들어주면 좋을 것 같아요.
All things considered, it is crucial for
school teachers to update their knowledge every four years by taking some
courses. All in all, the importance of knowledge of teachers cannot be overestimated in
students’ lives.
Comment :
질문 내용에 맞게 답안 내용을 잘 구성해주셨어요. 두 주장 모두 나의 입장을 뒷받침하기에 적절합니다. 설명과 사례 내용이 일관성있게 제시된 점도 좋았어요. 두 본론이 비슷한 분량과 구성을 보여줄 수 있도록 본론2의 내용을 좀 더 보완해보시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (완벽하지는 않지만 문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남)
- Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임) |