▶ Your Answer : Some people thinks that grading is do not needed to stimulate students. However, in my opinion, offering students grades encourages students to study harder. This is because it would be a good chance to feel a sense of accomplishment if their score increases and overcome their weakness. ^ To begin with, students would feel great satisfaction as a result of their efforts. Take an example of my experience, when I was in first grade, I earned 60 points out of hundred while my close friend got 90 points. I was such a so greedy girl I stayed up all night from that day for next exam to increase my grade. Finally, I attained a perfect grade on a final exam and I showed my grade off around me. I have done my best for every exam since that day. As such, students would be motivated as they can check a visual change in grades. ^ On top of that, they could recognize their own shortcomings easily. In other words, given the grades of each subjects, they would figure out their weak points about their field and they would try to increase their specific skills. If they do not know what they are doing well, they would have less opportunities to find their talents. For instance, Kim Yeon-a standed out while she took a physical class. Her teacher noticed that she had outstanding athletic sense by her flexibility test scores. Now, she is very famous in the world since she detected her gifts. ^ To sum up, It grading is crucial in grading for students to build their own skills. In this regard, I think grading would motivate students to study hard and help to enhance their skills.
Fair (17-19)
글자 수 300 미달입니다. 글자수 미니멈 못 채우면 감점됩니다.
서론 -이 문맥에서는 수동태로 써주시는 것이 자연스럽습니다. 혹은, grading does not stimulate students 로 써주세요.
첫번째 본문 -such a 형용사 로 써주세요. -글의 내용이 단순합니다. 또한, 내가 greedy 해서 점수를 올렸다는 좋지 않은 표현입니다. 친구들의 점수에 challenge 되었다, 혹은 stimulate 되었다로 써주세요. -또한, 좋은 점수가 나엑 어떤 영향을 미쳤는지, 나에게 great satisfaction을 어떻게 주었는지 써주세요. 두번째 본문 -연두색 부분은 앞부분과 상반되는 내용입니다. 앞:본인의 약점 보완 연두색: 본인의 장점 발견 예시에서도 장점에 대한 얘기를 하시는데, 그러면 본인의 주장에 대한 이유--약점 보완--을 바꿔주시던지 예시를 바꿔주세요. 내용에 혼란을 줍니다.
전체적으로 내용 보충이 필요하고, 본인의 주장/이유에 대한 일관성있는 설명/예시를 들어주세요.
수고하셨습니다~ |