▶ Your Answer :
Without doubt, sports play significant role
in people’s daily lives in many of places where they work or play. There might
be some people who think parents should spend more time to doing assignment
with children, while others do not think this way. Both sides may have their
own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say
that if parents spend enormous time playing sports or games, children enable to
improve physical health and be model citizens. There are several reasons and
examples as follows. ^
To
begin with, playing sports enable children to improve their physical health.
When they run and sweat during playing, it detoxifies their bodies and improves
their blood circulation. Better blood circulation is likely to strengthen their
immune system. For example, Seoul National University, top school of Republic
of Korea, one of research teams found a huge difference between two groups of children.
One group was composed of those who spent two hours every weekend on playing
with their parents at playground, and the other group was made up of those who spent
time to doing homework with their parents. The researchers found out that the
former was likely to have a higher resistance to several diseases that children
were vulnerable to than the latter. The first group tended not to suffer from
cold during winter and hypertension that has been reported dramatically
increasing lately. On the other hand, many of the second group visited hospital
more than three times because of some allergies and cold. This shows that
playing sports is the key to keep children healthy. ^
On
top of that, playing sports enable children to become model citizen. Most
people are tempted to doing illegal activities from time to time. They have to
resist the dangerous temptation, but it is difficult to overcome it solely.
Hence, children should get the advice and help from their parents who have
diverse life’s experiences. According to the survey’s result of Tokyo
University, top rate of school in Jjapan, the study has shown that about 62 percent
of children may feel tempted to throw any of subjects around. Since they lack enough
experience, they are likely to consider following the wrong paths. However, if children
are spend playing sports with their parents, they can learn how to control
their moral standards. Through such guidance, they can resist the temptation
taking of wrong paths and grow up as good citizens. ^
In
conclusion, I firmly believe that parents should spend much of time to play
sports with their children. All things considered, it is my belief that my
argument regarding this topic has been efficiently and precisely delivered with
the reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget that this issue may have
huge impact on our future.
Good (24–30) 첫번째 본문 -중간에 time to do 혹은 time doing으로 해주세요.
두번째 본문 -나라이름 (고유명사)는 첫 철자 대문자 -끝에서 네번째 줄에서, are spend 둘다 동사입니다. 하나만 써주세요.
내용/이유/예시/설명 다 괜찮습니다. 자잘한 문법 실수 유의해주세요. 수고하셨습니다~
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