▶ Your Answer :Some people think that attractive apperance and fashion is more important than one's ability to suceed. However, im my opinion, the advantages of having superior ability overshadow the advantages of being fashionable and attractive. There are two reasons: fFirst the impact of appearance only has short-term effects. Second, your ability is the key factor that can make achievement. ^ To begin with, first impressions of one's appearance and fashion do not last long. I do admit that there are some advantages of having a good appearance since it can make others to concentrate in the first place. However, this effect will disappear when you do not have the ability in your area. When I was taking class in my major, Ppsychology, we had to prepare for the presentation on the theory of Piaget and that day, two groups were presenting it. There were as two men in each group who were presenting for that day. One was handsome and he was really fashionable, while the other one was just a normal guy. In the beggining, many people in the class focused on the fashionable guy, but not for long. He was not talking clearly and what was more, the contents he was descrtibing were wrong. However, the other man did not get many attention at the first time, but when he began speaking, hHe described the concept really fluently and made it easy to understand. At the end of the class, my professor gave some feed back, and undoubtedly, the second presenter got the better appreciation. ^ Moreover, your appearance can not give you any achievements directly. To succeed ss in this world of endless competition, having some good results in your workplace is the most essential factors since it can overshadow the influence of your appearance. One that has gorgeous appearance with no ability will simply be ignored, while who have superior ability can stand out. There was a survey conducted by the business majors which had employers of many companies as respondents. 97% of them rated that ability should be prioritized when they hire employees. There were as some statements of them and one of them said that nothing is more important than the personal ability to work successfully in the job. ^ In conclusion, appearance does not have long-term effect and ability has the direct correlation with the achievement other than appearance. In this regard, I firmly hold that one's ability is contributing more to success than one's appearance.
Good (24) 서론 -대소문자 오류
첫번째 본문 -대소문자 오류 -단/복수 동사 오류 -철자 오류 -feed back-->feedback 두번째 본문 -can not--> cannot -to 부정사에서 to +동사 -단/복수 오류
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