■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : The widespread use of the internet has given people access to information on a level never experienced before. How does this increase in the availability of information influence life in today’s world? |
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▶ Your Answer :
There is an argument over whether or not people can gain access to information not able to access available before if the Internet was not
developed. Some people believe that our life has not changed a lot regardless
of the presence of the Internet. My view, however, is that people became to
experience what they could not experience before the development of the
Internet. This is because the level of knowledge increased up to a high level because people are able to gain useful
information easily on the Internet. (위에 세 문장이 뜻이 서로 겹칩니다) Moreover, we are also able to access to harmful
information as well, so it has also a had an
effect on people.
To begin with, I believe that the Internet is very useful because people
can search any information what they are curious in their mind they are curious about. Even people can People can even access to the information
anytime and anywhere. It gives tremendous convenience to people in modern days.
Therefore, most people usually have a lot of knowledge in various genres as
well as common sense. For example, we can take a look at the trend through Facebook,
which is a social network service. At the first
time, Facebook was initially introduced as a
social network application. We could communicate our daily life lives with friends posting writings, photos, and
videos. However, nowadays, its role was has
slightly changed. People share a lot of information and their thinking about
that with people who they do not know face
through Facebook. And as we can see, most of them have a lot of information
even what they did not experience.
On top of that,
information on the Internet has a great impact on people on various ways.
Indiscriminate information can be harmful to people even though it has positive
effects. There are many bad news such as immoral politicians, conflict between a company and labor union, celebrities’ sexual rumor
and so on. This information can be stressful and even affect mental disease to
people. To be specific, I can give a woman actor’s actress’ sex scandal and its impact on children as an
example. There was a huge scandal about a video that a famous woman actor appeared
on last year. However, she was did not
considered it as a big deal and it was seriously a huge shock to everyone who loved
her. The problem is that some children who do not have discriminate right or
not praised her and respected her as a great feminist. Like this,
sometimes, information which we even we
do not need to know has unexpected results.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
20 |
Overall
Comment: |
문법 오류들은 위 지적사항들을
참고하세요. 같은 문장을 반복적으로 사용하시는 경향이 있으세요. 추가적으로 결론을 위한 한 문단을 써주세요. 예시가 좋고 논리적으로
포인트를 잘 잡으시지만 문법 오류가 가장 큰 문제인 것 같습니다. |
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질문이 어려워 너무 똥글을 쓴 거 같지만 조언 구하고자 첨삭부탁드립니다ㅠㅠ
평균 라이팅은 23점정도 받는데요 26점 정도 받으려면 무엇을 가장 시급하게 올려야 할지도 조언 부탁드립니다 감사합니다!!