▶ Your Answer :
It has become a hot topic whether
college students mandatorily have to participate
in volunteer work or not. Some may say
that college students should volunteer even if the volunteer
work is mandatory. (말이 되지 않는 문장입니다. Volunteer work가 필수여도
volunteer을 할 수 있다, 라고 적으셨어요) However, I disagree with the
statement as it is obvious that volunteering mandatoraliy mandatorily does not make sense. is nonsensical.
My reasons are as follows.
First of all, volunteering mandatorily is not right because
volunteer work is sacred (어울리지 않는 표현입니다). To be specific, the reason why we volunteer for someone who is needed
to care need to be came from for others from
one's heart. If people volunteer not from their heart but for another other goals such as for politic, personal or
economic purposes, it is not a real volunteer service. For example, there was a politicain politician who wanted to become the president. In fact, he was bad and greedy.
However, he tried a lot to get popular from
citizens. Therefore, he spent so much time in
volunteering just for his political purpose. However, people knew that his voulnteer
volunteer work is was not real. As a result, he dirt sacred volunteer work was .
(문장 구조가 단순하고, 문법 오류가 너무 많습니다. 그리고 봉사활동을 성스럽다고 하는 것도
어색합니다)
Second, whatever we do, imposing something will cause abusing and
disadvantages. Especially, volunteering must be done spontaneously (즉흥적으로 해 한다는 말인가요?). If volunteer work is done
mandatorily, its meaning will be lost and people who do not want to volunteer can volunteer passively and even can harm
its quality, which can result in people who are needed need to be cared may do not want to be
recived the volunteer work (무슨 뜻인지 파악하기 어렵습니다). For example, when I was in middle school, there was a volunteer project
in summer vacation. My friends and I did not want to volunteer because we just wanted to hang out. When we went to older women's home to volunteer, we did not
concentrate in volunteer work and we just volunteered formaly insincerely. It causeed caused the older women to refuse volunteer work from our school.
This is why volunteer work should not be mandatory.
In conclusion, I disagree with the statement by reasons I mentioned
above.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Limited (0-16) |
Score |
7 |
Overall
Comment: |
전체적으로 문법 오류가 너무
많습니다. 위 지적사항들을 참고해 주세요. 문장 구조가 단순하고, 매 문장마다 문법 오류가 하나 씩 있어서 흐름에도 지장이
있었어요. |
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