■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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These days, from the primary school to the company, there are so many chances to work with other people. Therefore, it is not surprising that the idea that being good at cooperation with others is more and more becoming crucial nowadays, compared to the past. pest. Some people disagree with this idea because there are also many opportunities to do jobs solely. However, I strongly believe that it is true for two reasons: that both the number of people whom we are dealing with and the necessity of teamwork in the company have has been sharply increased.
First of all, we have to work with more and more people than in the past recently because of the globalization and industrialization. To be specific, by computer and cell phone, we can communicate and work with other people anytime and anywhere though they are far away from us. Thus the time for spending on dealing with other people is much more increasing than the past. 따라서 협동하는 능력이 더 강조될 수밖에 없다는 입장까지 연결해서 서술해주면 좋을 것 같아요. 입장을 뒷받침하기에 좋은 idea입니다. For example, according to the research of Harvard University, it is said that the average number of people per month whom are faced with during at work working in a month was 30 in 1959, but however 112 in 2016. 이 연구내용이 의미하는 바가 무엇인지 내 입장과 연결지어서 설명해주세요.
Secondly, the number of tasks conducting as teamwork with other departments has been uprising nowadays in the office, which requires well-prepared cooperation skills. To elaborate, it is the trend to have a team project with other workers from a variety of departments to achieve a better result. For instance, Bby the statistics of Microsoft, which is one of the most famous corporations in the U.S., the average number of team projects teamwork with other departments has been increased dramatically from 12 per year in 1980, to 72 in 2016, which can support the idea that good working skills with other colleagues are becoming more vital.
In conclusion, although some opponents state that it is not that crucial, I believe that people should be better at coworking with others than in the past, for the reasons I mentioned above., although some opponents states that it is not crucial anymore.
Comment :
접하는 사람의 수가 많아지고 일의 형태가 협동을 요하는 형태로 많이 바뀌고 있어서 오늘날 협동능력이 더 중요하다고 제시한 주장들은 모두 좋습니다. 다만 본론1에서 만나야 하는 사람이 많아진다는 것과 본론2에서 팀으로 해야 하는 일이 많아진다는 주장이 다소 겹치는 부분이 생길 수 있으니 두 내용을 잘 분리해서 서술하는 부분이 중요할 것 같아요. 또한 협동능력이 어떤 부분에서 어떻게 요구되는지에 대한 설명도 좀 더 구체적으로 보완해주면 좋을 것 같습니다. 오탈자와 문법오류도 함께 검토해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5
An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following :
- Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details
(일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함)
- Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured
(문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남)
- May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning
(문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음)
- May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary
(답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함)