▶ Your Answer : I agree with the statement that the opinion of celebrities are mor more important to younger people than they
are to older people. My reasons are as follows.
First of all, young people are not mature as mature much as older people. What it this means is that they (they가 누군지 specify 해줘야 해요.) need time
to develop to have self-control and perspective in life. They donot do not have the ability to decide that the things what is
true or false. If the celebrities state dangerous political opinions, younger people can may just follow
celebrities' opinion without any thinking. It can be resulted result in bad situations. For example, When I was in
high school, me and my friends and I loved the singers 'Big bang'. We followd followed their styles, and talk and
everything. One day 'Big bang' assert asserted political opinion in their on SNS. It was disagreement about disagreeing with the
goverment's policy. We also followed thier their opinion without studying about the policy even and we even protested.
However, after time went by the policy resulted in economic improvement. We knew that we were false made a mistake. Second, celebrities's opinions can stimulate younger people's hopeness.hopes. Young people has have infinite
potential, which can be improved by celebrities. Young people are easily be impressived influenced by celebrities
because young people love celebrities. On the contrast contrary, old people do not have any interest in
celebrities's opinions beacuse they are busy to live with their lives and their work. For example, when I was in university, I
saw a video that about rRonaldo's opinion about success. He stated the importance of practice. I was really
impressived impressed. I really worked hard in on my soccer play every day. I practiced and run ran. As a result, I could
be remarkable in ground play, and I could get in into the team that I wanted to play.
[Score] 24-25 [Feedback] - 에세이를 쓰고 시간이 있다면 꼭 다시 읽어보며 검토를 하세요. Spelling error이 자주 있어서 한 번만 더 읽어 보는 걸 추천합니다. - 시제를 맞춰주세요. - 예시는 좋았고 주장이 뚜렷했어요.
- 문법에만 더 신경을 써주세요. - Conclusion도 써주세요. 주장을 summarize하고 요점을 다시 한 번 써주는게 좋습니다. 수고하셨습니다.
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