▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, art and music play a
significant role in many people’s lives in many places where they work or play.
Some people believe that school should provide mandatory art and music class
for students, while others do not. Both sides may have reasons to support their
views. On the other hand, if I had to choose one, I would say that a mandatory art
and music class is indispensable for students on many grounds. There are
reasons as follows. ^
To begin with, art and music class can
improve the students’ academic performance. Studying art and music encourages
students to relieve their stress by drawing pictures and playing instruments.
When the students are in low stress rates, it is likely to bring a better
result. For instance, Seoul National University (SNU) found an enormous
difference between two groups of students. One group was composed of those who
had art and music as mandatory courses, and the other group was made up of
those who did not didn’t have such courses. The first group was likely to have a longer
attention span, passion on their tasks, and motivations. On the other hand, the
latter group tended to be procrastinated, get distracted easily, and have less
motivations. As a result, the former was outperformed the latter in SAT scores
by 50 percent. This indicates that art and music class is very helpful for enhancing
students’ academic performance. ^
On top of that, having art and music class can
cultivate important qualifications needed for great success. In art and music
class, the students perform their artwork or deal with music instruments with
their friends. Therefore, this trend will make students to enhance a sense of responsibility
on their tasks due to their friends. For example, when my younger brother was
in a high school, he was lazy and procrastinated a lot. However, he attended music
class as mandatory school subjects, and also joined a music club. Thereafter, in
order to abide by rules, he actively participated in group activities by having
a sense of responsibility and punctuality. Also, he realized that his
punctuality and a sense of responsibility helped to improve relationship
between his friends, and so on. Without this experience, he would have had in
troubles in many parts. ^
All things considered, I firmly believe
that mandatory art and music class foster students’ performance, and encourage
students to develop essential qualifications. All in all, this trend will
continue and pass down to the next generations.
Good (24–30) 첫번째 본문 -축약형 지양해주세요 didn't-->did not -끝에서 네번째--세번째 줄에서 procrastinate, get, have, 로 병렬 맞춰주세요.
내용/이유/예시/설명 다 괜찮습니다. 자잘한 문법 실수 유의해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~
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