▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that children can make decisions without the help of parents. However, in my opinion, children should get some help from their parents. There are two reasons why. First, children cannot take responsibilities for their decision. Second, they are not fully developed in psychological maturity. ^ To begin with, when adults decide something that they believe it is right, they must take a responsibility for the result. They should do whatever makes it right when their decision was wrong or not satisfied. However, children cannot take their duties because they do not have much many experiences in diverse situations. For example, one of my friends was not well educated when I was a kid. Every time he makes trouble, his parents were blamed because most people thought think he is too young to take responsibilities for his fault. ^ On top of that, most children are disorganized because of immaturity. It Which means they cannot make decision because making right decision is based on clarity. For instance, I used to watch some cartoons when I was a child. There were many characters who had a flying ability like Superman. One day I just felt that I also had a flying ability and I could fly through jumping from the edge of high wall. It was a very dangerous situation but I could not feel it because I was not matured enough. In the end, I jumped from the wall and luckily I did not hurt a lot. Now I come to think of it, I almost killed myself. Therefore without clarity, making decision could be dangerous to children. ^ To sum up, children should not make decision alone because they cannot take responsibilities for their decision. Moreover, they are not sufficiently matured to make a right decision. In this regard, I firmly hold that children should not make a decision without the help of parents.
Good (24) 첫번째 본문 -much+셀 수 없는 , many+ 셀 수 있는 -one of 복수 -문맥상 과거이므로 think-->thought -내용을 좀더 develop 해주세요. 예시와 본인의 주장이 잘 연결되지 않습니다. 왜 부모의 도움이 필요한지에 대한 설명을 더 해주세요.
두번째 본문 -which 를 쓰시려면, 앞 문장과 이어서 immaturity, which means~ 로 써주세요. 문장을 지금과 같이 쪼개실거면 it 으로 시작해주세요. -내용 괜찮습니다.
수고하셨습니다~~
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