▶ Your Answer :
Various opinions may
exist over the argument whether the government should improve the safety
(of what? 명시하세요) by hiring more
police or improve the appearance by repairing the old buildings and
streets, in order to attract more tourists. As far as I am concerned, I am in complete
agreement with that the government should improve the safety to attract
more tourists rather than improve the appearance of the city. The two ideas
stated below will be the evidence to support my views.
First of all, the
safety is the first factor when tourists decide the place to go. Since the
criminal rates of all over the world is
are increasing and it became a major
problem of the city, tourists consider it seriously when they make a
travel plan. They check the news articles
whether there was a terror recently or even check the office of the
diplomacy if they recommend people not to to not
travel around a specific area or the country. Therefore, by ensuring a
safety for the travelers, a country or city can attract more people to
travel to their city. Let me take my own
experience as an example. My professor suggested his students to go with him to
the Saint Petersburg to attend a big music festival. It was a great
opportunity for me to learn about the Russian culture and meet new people who
are the experts in my field. Then, when I was about to send an
application for the festival, a serious subway terror was occurred in the
Saint Petersburg. I was very surprised and afraid to go there, even though my
professor tried to pursue me with the fact that that kind of terror is less
likely to happen again within a few months. Even
my parents in Korea were surprised and called me not to to persuade me from sending send the
application. Consequently, I decided not to go to the festival since I knew
that I cannot indeed enjoy the city with the fear of being hurt.
In addition,
guaranteeing the safety of the city makes the city a more hospitable place to the tourist. People tend to
become hostile if the environment they live is not safe enough. However, if
they feel the city is a secure place to live in, they relax themselves and become more favorable to
the strangers since they don’t have to consider them as a threat. As a
result, the more tourists will feel that
they were welcomed by the citizens. A few weeks
ago, I happened to read a tweet on Twitter regarding this issue. It was about the
two cities that the person who wrote that tweeted
recently visited. A significant number of people replied that the people in the
safer city was were much kinder than the
people in the less safe city. Even more surprising for me was that the interest
people showed in this issue. The tweet was heavily retweeted since the message
resonated with the Twitter users and
formed a bond of sympathy between them. This clearly indicates that if the
a city is safer, the more people will
be favorable to other people which result in the more tourists on the city.
people would recommend visiting it to others, which
would result in more tourists that visit.
For the reasons mentioned above, I think the
government should increase the safety by hiring more police to attract
the tourists.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Limited (0-16) |
Score |
16 |
Overall
Comment: |
전체적으로 문법 오류가
많으셨습니다. 특히 a/the 와 같은 전치사 오류가 제일 많았어요. 주의하셔서 연습하시길 바래요. |
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