▶ Your Answer :
Sustaining good appearance has been important to the majority of people because it has helped to shape their lives in a better way. With this understanding, people care more about their appearance and fashion these days. This is because it helps people to appeal to opposite sexes and enjoy a better quality of life. Firstly. charming faces allows people to attract opposite sexes. Understanding the change of the attraction is crucial to substantiate this view. In 1950s in South Korea, right after the war, South Korea became was a poor country. Domestic economy was a disastrous, the GDP was only 70 U.S dollars. People have to worry about what to eat and where to sleep. Only few percent of riches were free from such worries. So, people wanted to marry rich people to elevate their position and social status riches. In other words, the greatest attraction was wealth to majorities. However, As the economy has gradually recovered and actually got much better compared to any other days in the past due to the huge economy project supported by the Korean government. This lead to the development of the food technology in food and industry, which allowed people to eat regular meals and get a good job support themselves and family construction of a numerous number of apartments helped people to enjoy a fine quality of home at low costs. People naturally started to have time to spare for their appearance and started to find people with charming looks to increase their life satisfaction. In fact, recent study from Seoul National University revealed that 72 percent of 200 Korean women put a good appearance as a priority when searching for r a marriage partners. In this respect, it is obvious that people with better looking faces can have more chance to appeal themselves to opposite sexes.
Secondly, charming masks and great fashion senses helps people to enjoy abetter quality of life. Interestingly, a renowned social scientist in South Korea recently published an article in' The Korean Herald' claiming that people should decorate themselves to strengthen their social competitiveness. According to the article, 62 percent of 200 Korean senior students answered that getting cosmetic surgeries is necessary to have more and better job opportunities. They added that recruiters from leading corporations prefer candidates with attractive appearances. Also Korean leading recruiters stated that they people with good appearance can contribute to forming positive atmospheres at workplaces and more convincing when they are talking. At workplaces people have to come face to face their colleagues and customers. Good looking faces and fashion senses helps coworkers to invoke feelings happiness. Also according to the extraction from an essay written by a brain scientist, by looking at charming appearances, a human brain release a certain hormone that makes people comfortable. So such appearances helps to break down the psychological barrier between people. This makes clients to sign contracts more frequently. This not only lead to job promotions but also enjoy a better quality of life.
To sum up, I believe that people care more about their appearance for the following reason; to attract opposite sexes and to enjoy a better quality of life. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated due to the reason I have mentioned above.
채점기준표
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Grammar
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Contents
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Example
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Coherence
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점수
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4
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4
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4
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4
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Score
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Good 23-26
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- 첫 번째 논지로써 단순히 attract opposite sex라기 보다는 with good looks로 elevate social status 등의 기회로 삼았다는 내용이 더 설득력이 있어 보입니다. - 내용이 상당히 긴 편인데, 불필요한 부분들만 제외해주시면 더 명료한 글이 나올 수 있을 것 같아요.
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30분 겨우 채우네요..... |