Some people think that playing computer games should not be allowed. However, I believe that playing computer games should be allowed for two reasons. This is because playing computer games enables students to relieve stress and enjoy a better quality of life.
First, playing computer games enables students to relieve stress. Understanding the daily environment of students and the potential role of computer games is necessary to substantiate this view. Every morning, students have to patiently sit through traffic to get to school. Once, they are at school, they have to endure countless textbooks and continue to read more even at home. Such exhausting routine repeats itself and wears down people. As a way to manage the ensuing stress, students can play computer games. Even if it is only for a short time, this frees their minds from the intense mental pressure from school. In the regard, I learned that computer games should be allowed. enables people to relieve stress.
Second, computer games enables students to enjoy a better quality of life. Interestingly, Interstingly, a renowned social scientist in South Korea published an article in “The Korean Herald” last Tuesday, which claims that playing computer games enables people to strengthen relationships with their friends. The article claims that 62 percent of the Korean believe playing computer games provides meaningful opportunities for students to connect with their friends. Essentially, playing computer games promotes activities that encourage students to openly interact with one another. Such intercommunication intercommunicaiton builds a platform not only to spend time together but also to share feelings with friends, allowing students to become more socially aware and ultimately enjoy a better quality of life.
To sum up, I believe that playing computer games is not a waste of time, so it should be allowed for the following reasons: to relieve stress and enjoy a better quality of life. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated for the reasons I have mentioned that.
Comment :
주제가 '학생들에게' 제한되어 있는 것인지 다시 확인해보시고 그냥 일반 사람을 대상으로 한 주제라면 학생으로 국한시키지 말고 일반인 모두에게 해당되는 내용으로 흐름을 다듬어주셔야 할 것 같습니다. 학생들이 게임하는 것을 허용하는 것에 대한 문제라면 아주 좋은 답변이지만, 대상이 따로 없다면 수정보완이 필요합니다. 오탈자 유의해서 다듬어주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4/5
An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following :
- Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated
(문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함)
- Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details
(적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함)
- Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections
(중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남)
- Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning
(글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임)