▶ Your Answer :
Some people think
that all high school students do not have to learn basic economics. However, in
my opinion, studying basic economics in high school is important. One reason is
that it is helpful to saving save money by using economics. Another reason is that you
can be competent in a variety of fields.
First, learning
basic economics can be useful to keeping keep your money. In this materialistic
society, money is sometimes one’s power. If you have no money, you will be
ignored by people. Also you cannot do what you want without money. If you have
the knowledge of basic economics, it will help your financial problem and have
good habits. 기초경제를 배우는 것이 좋은 이유만 설명하기보다는 '그러니까 고등학생들이 모두 이것을 의무적으로 배워야 한다'라는 입장으로 연결되도록 내용을 만들어주세요. For example, my uncle’s major is
engineering and he is working in a famous company now. He was not rich when he
was young. So he decided to earn a lot of money later. His salary is not much
but he is living at a great apartment that has a nice view of Hhan river that is in
Seoul. He says that what made makes him today is the basic economics what he learned in
high school. By using the knowledge of that, he could have has good habits to save money
and it led lead to that he can him to collect lots of money.
Second, by
learning basics economics, you can be an intelligent person. Nowadays, it is
required for people to have not only deep knowledge of one specific field but
also a wide variety of diverse knowledge. A person with sufficient knowledge is
regarded as ‘a person of intelligence’ in this world, while others who lack
knowledge are simply ignored. In this sense, having knowledge of basic
economics is important especially, even if it is not your major. 지식의 다양성 측면에서 경제도 배워두면 좋다는 식의 뉘앙스는 '모든 고등학생들이 basic economics를 배워야 한다'라는 입장으로 연결하기가 어색해져요. '모든 고등학생이' 기초 경제를 배워야 한다고 보는 이유가 되게끔 내용을 더 발전시켜주세요. For example, my high school was specialized
in our region so we had to learn about basic economics and sciences regardless
our major. After entering university, I entered a soccer club and next year, I
was charge of planning membership training of our team. Although my major was
Chemistry, I could make financial plan successfully. Everyone recognized me ‘a
person of intelligence’ that time and I was grateful that I learned basic
economics. 다들 똑똑한 사람으로 알아주니까 기본경제를 고등학교 때 배워야 한다는 주장은 설득력이 약합니다. 기본경제를 모두가 필수적으로 배우면 어떤 점이 좋을지를 더 생각해보시면 좋을 것 같아요.
To sum up,
people with basic economics are likely to be rich by collecting money and skilled
in different fields. In this regard, all high school students have to study
basic economics
Comment : 개인이 경제를 배우면 어떤 점이 좋은지 묻는 문제가 아니기 때문에 '모든 학생들이 듣게 하는 것'에 좀 더 비중을 두고 내용을 풀어주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 기초경제를 배우면 좋은 점을 언급하면서 모든 고등학생이 배워야 한다는 입장으로 연결하는 것 자체는 좋은 전략이지만, 제시하는 장점들이 '돈을 모으니까', '똑똑한 사람 대접을 받으니까'에 그쳐 있기 때문에 '그러니까 모든 고등학생들이 배워야 한다'라는 입장으로 연결하기에는 어색한 느낌이 들어요. 더 고등학생에게 꼭 필요한 덕목이라거나 살아가는 데 있어 꼭 필요한 점을 연결지어서 모두가 배워야 한다는 식으로 연결해보면 좋을 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음)
- May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함)
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