▶ Your Answer :
Some
people think that the study environment like rooms does not affect student’s academic achievement. However, in my opinion, students with tidy rooms achieve higher
success than those with messy ones. This is because students who arrange their
things well can grow a sense of responsibility quickly and have more opportunities
to get a job easily.
First
of all, cleaning rooms by themselves allows students to foster a sense of
responsibility. Arranging things that students have can be done under time constraints, and it also requires students to think more on what can be more important to be placed in certain spot. By managing one's desk clean, students understand the concept of priority tasks and use time efficiently. have responsibilities
such as arriving on time, managing their time wisely, meeting the deadlines,
observing the regulation, thoroughly completing tasks in school. According to the National Youth Leadership
Council, students who have cleaned rooms did academically well than those who have
messy rooms. Students answered to the institution that they learned how to handle multiple tasks and responsibilities
and consequently managed their time well by cleaning their desks everyday and organize what they have. On the whole, according to the NYLC, students who studied in
clean rooms became more matured and better equipped to succeed than their peers who
study in a friendly environment.
On top
of that, clean study environment plays a key role on student’s employment in
the job market. Students can concentrate more on their study by managing their nearby environment nice and clean. Since clean rooms encourage students to focus
on study, they perform better at school, and this allows students to have more job opportunities with their own skills. Also, as
modern society becomes globalized, specialized and competitive, today’s job
market requires job candidates with a high degree of expertise and language abilities.
Thus, . that is required by modern
society. According to studies conducted by the Nation Association of Adult
Literacy, those who can speak English, a global language has an enormous
competitive advantage over those who cannot because developing and
industrialized countries are increasingly moving toward economies based on a
world scale. Also, the number of employment opportunities available to good
English speakers will continue to increase precipitously as a result of this
trend. (예시가 주제와 전혀 무관한 내용입니다)
To
sum up, students with neat rooms can succeed in a great level due to their responsibilities and
competitiveness in a job market than those who not. In this regard, it is
important for students to foster clean study room to achieve greater success.
- 논리 내 공백이 많이 보입니다. (red colored comment 참조) - 예시 및 기타 내용 중 주제와 크게 직결되지 않는 내용들이 종종 등장합니다.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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FAIR
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LIMITED
|
LIMITED
|
FAIR
|
LIMITED
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
|
|