▶ Your Answer : Some people believe that an organized person is not more likely to succeed because they give other people stress. However in my opinion, a tidy person has many chances to succeed. There are two reasons; first, they get less stress. Second, they can have a lot of spare time they saved. First of all, they get less stress than others who are not clean. Having the outlet for stress has meaning in itself since it helps one gain energy and find the strength to go on. People nowadays have pressure not only physically but also mentally. It can help people get back on track after cleaning their environment like their own desk. (주제에 대한 본인의 입장/이유와 크게 관련 없는 내용입니다. 스트레스를 안 받는 것이 중요하다는 내용이 아닌 왜 자기 주변을 정리하는 것이 덜 스트레스를 받는지에 대한 부연설명을 적어주세요) For example, there is a study conducted by the board of Korean Health. There were two groups monitored. The first group was formed of people who clean their room and workplace. The other group was consisted of people who do not clean up their environment. The researchers compared the outcome and measured their stress level. The result is intriguing. People who make their environment be clean had lower level of stress than other. This is because the clean environments makes people to calm down and plan carefully. make people`s mental good. This experiment proves that people who clean up their places feel relaxed and comfortable. On top of that, they can save a lot of time. If you waste time finding products that they need, will time wait for you? The answer will be no. (구어체 사용 지양해주세요. TOEFL에세이에서는 formal essay이기 때문에 질문형태/Let~ 등의 제안/명령문 사용하지 않습니다) In this world we live in, time is gold. Since we cannot turn time back, we must save time as much as we can. In this sense, cleaning up own environment can be a big help. For example, when I was in high school, my desk was so dirty with many books and notebooks on the desk. Due to the fact that there were many books, I did not know where I placed my books that I needed in my class. Sometimes, I lost my scores in my class because I could not find my books and did not bring them to class properly. Also, I usually was late for school class time because I spent many hours trying to find my books. Eventually, When I was in third grade in my high school, I cleaned up my desk. After that, I was not late for school class and felt comfortable since I knew where I can find my belongings. I learned from my experience that people who are clean and tidy cannot waste their own time. To sum up, people who are tidy can feel relaxed. Moreover, they can save a lot of time (어떻게 save time 하는지? 이미 정리된 것들이 어디에 있는지 알기 때문이라는 내용도 덧붙여주세요). In this regard, people who are organized make their life be very successful.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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FAIR
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FAIR-LIMITED
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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