▶ Your Answer :
People’s intellectual, social and personal
development are highly influenced by their co-workers. With this understanding,
I believe that it is important for people to get jobs in which people work with
other people rather than getting jobs in which people work alone. This is
because getting jobs in which people work with other people enables people to
learn how to cooperate with each other and enjoy a better quality of life in
terms of human relationships.
Firstly,
getting a job that works with other people makes people to learn how to cooperate
with each other. Understanding the daily social environment of the people and
the potential role of having working partners is necessary to substantiate this
view. Most senior executives at leading corporations stated that the key to
their success was the experience of job opportunities that works with various
people. This is because working with other people cannot compensate with one’s
own shortcomings but also improve their work-performances. In this process,
people can collaborate well with their co-workers and achieve their working
goals. In addition, a sense of cooperation is regarded more highly in these days more than in the
past because today’s huge tasks and problems cannot be resolved by one
individual’s ability and talent; rather they must be processed with helps and
advices of others. In this regard, I argue that getting a job that works with
other people allows people to have experience of successful working environment.
Secondly,
getting a job of working with other people makes people to enjoy a better quality of
life in terms of human relationships. Interestingly, a renowned social
scientist in South Korea published an article in “The Korean Harled” last
Tuesday. It which claims that getting a job working with other people enables people
to strengthen human relationships. The article argues that working with other
people provides meaningful opportunities for people who are struggling to
connect with other people. Essentially, having common working goals with
co-workers promotes social activities that encourage people to openly interact
and freely exchange their views and ideas in order to successful working work more successfully. Such
an intercommunication builds a platform not only to express their one’s own
disposition but also to accept opinions of others, allowing people to become more
socially aware and ultimately improving relationships with their co-workers. I
thought of this report because the result of the survey resonated with my
thoughts.
To
sum up, I believe that getting job that works with co-workers is better than
getting job that works alone for the following reasons: learning how to
cooperate with each other and enjoying a better quality of life. Consequently,
the importance of my view cannot be underestimated for the reasons I have
mentioned above.
[Score] 27-30 [Feedback] - 아주 잘 쓰여진 에세이네요~ 문장의 구조, 글의 흐름, 아이디어, 근거와 예시 모두 좋습니다. 사소한 문법적 오류들이 조금 있지만 크게 문제될 것은 없어보입니다. 제출하시기 전에 시간이 남으면 더블체크를 통해 최대한 minor mistakes를 줄인다면 더욱 완벽한 글이 될 것 같네요. 수고하셨습니다~^^
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