Some people think that it is better to learn many skills than to
specialize if you want to success. (주제문장 그대로 사용하는 것을 지양하시고 Paraphrase해 주세요) All things considered, I am in complete disagreement
with the opinion. It is easier to achieve success by specializing as it allows
people to be unique, and there are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, people who specialize in smaller number of skills
allow them to have deeper knowledge in the field due to better efficiency. This
allows them to have their unique skills which may act as a sales point of their
labor to companies. Therefore, the skills allow them to be more successful.
This view is supported by a survey carried out by a research team in the
Business department of Tokyo University. The survey was made in the form of
interviews and was able to collect data from 258 different businesses. The interview
showed that businesses are 17% more likely to choose their employees according
to their knowledge and skills in a field that they are majoring in. (본 예시 내용에서는 더 많은 스킬 보유자가 직업을 잘 구할 수 있으므로 본인이 주장하는 바와 반대됩니다) The result
clearly indicates that specializing gives advantage to people.
Moreover, there are various series of careers which need special skills
and knowledge. To elaborate in detail, jobs such as doctor, lawyer or
pharmacist need a great knowledge in a specific field as well as a long period
of training period. Such careers can be great success as these jobs allow
people to earn a huge sum of money as well as reputation. In addition, this can
also mean that people who specialize in certain skills have specific career
they are willing to have, so it allows them to develop skills suitable for the
job. This increases the chance of them being hired.
To sum up, specialization can lead to development of unique skills or allow them to have absolute advantage in getting jobs in certain fields.
Therefore, I strongly believe that it is better to specialize than to learn
many skills in order to achieve success.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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FAIR
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FAIR
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GOOD
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 주어 동사 수 일치 실수가 몇 번 있었습니다.