▶ Your Answer : Some people argue that the elderly people need exercise more than young people do. However, in my opinion, this perspective is not true for two following reasons which I am going to elaborate. ________________________________ 본인의 주제에 대한 입장과 본문이 mismatch To begin with, older people are physically weaker than young people. In detail, they are more likely to fall and have bone fractures. This can be prevented by exercising. Evidence for this comes from a recent research by the University of North Carolina. According to their research, people who exercise regularly hurt less on average. Also, if they got hurt, those who work out periodically heal faster than those who do not exercise in usual. Therefore, the elderly should work out regularly to prevent to be injured. On top of that, the elderly tend to have less active lifestyles. In other words, as people getting older, their physical activity declines. Therefore, they need to do additional exercise. A study, conducted by SNU, confirms this. The researchers found that 75 percent of older people who participated in study did not meet their physical requirements while 90 percent of young people achieved their requirements. --> less active lifestyle로 인해 운동을 해야 한다는 내용을 증명하는 예시를 적어주세요: 본 예시에 제시된 facts들과 이유와의 연관성이 전혀 설명이 되어 있지 않습니다. In conclusion, I believe I have accurately demonstrated my point of view on this matter with two concrete reasons and evidences stated above. (주제에 대한 본인 입장과 본인이 그렇게 주장하게 된 이유들을 요약해주세요) Since the views on life and values differ among individuals, it seems like this subject will always remain controversial.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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FAIR
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GOOD
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 주장은 disagree인데 내용이 agree하는 내용이 작성되었습니다. 다시 한 번 intro 작성 시 입장을 확실히 정리 한 뒤 내용을 추가로 작성해주세요. |