▶ Your Answer : [intro 한 문단으로 묶어주세요. 주제 소개, 나의 입장 소개, 글에서 전개될 내용 간단 소개] Some people think that people should experience different kinds of jobs before focusing on a long-term job. However, in my opinion, people do not have to spend their time searching different jobs works because they it will become can be successful professionals faster when they decide a long-term job early and it helps to companies financially.
[본론1 - 첫 번째 근거와 설명, 사례] To begin with, by contributing to one job, people would become masterful experts faster. (By pursuing one field for an extended period of time, people can build professional knowledge and skill. For example, my friend started his career as an accountant immediately after graduating from college. During his first few years in the profession, his accounting knowledge and expertise quickly grew. By the age of 30, he was widely respected in his field and had won several awards. His rapid success would not have been possible if he had not dedicated himself to a single career.)
[본론2 - 두 번째 근거와 설명, 사례] On top of that, companies can reduce cost about coaching employees. (Companies will save on training costs, and they will benefit from more efficient and productive workers. For instance, a recent study by the Korean Ministry of Employment and Labor found that, on average, training a single employee costs a company one-third of that employee's annual salary. Training is thus a significant investment of financial resources, which would be wasted if competently trained workers left the company for other jobs. However, if employees stay at the company for a long time, they become efficient and productive. This will, in turn, produce financial gains for the company.
[결론 한 문단으로 묶어주세요. 나의 입장 다시 한 번 이야기하고 본론의 내용 간단히 정리] To sum up, if people choose a long-term career instead of trying out multiple jobs first, both the workers and the companies that hire them will benefit.) All things considered, I believe that people should get a one specialized job.
Comment : 모델에세이 내용이 주제에 맞게 잘 정리되어 있기 때문에 지금 답변 자체는 높은 점수를 드릴 수 있지만, 본인의 글이 아니기 때문에 연습을 많이 하셔야 할 것 같아요. 글의 구성에 맞게 서/본/결을 맞추고 주제에 맞게 모델에세이를 활용하는 연습을 많이 해주세요. 보통은 대표로 사용할 수 있는 모델에세이들을 많이 외워두고 각 주제에 맞게 내용을 조금씩 바꾸어서 활용합니다. paraphrasing하라는 말은 교재에서 사용한 모델에세이 내용들을 숙지해서 '주제에 맞게' 표현과 내용흐름을 바꾸라는 뜻으로 이해하시는 게 맞을 것 같아요. 실전에서는 종이에 모두 쓰고 옮기기에는 시간이 많이 부족하기 때문에 종이에는 간단한 개요와 키워드 등만 노트테이킹하고 컴퓨터로 바로 타이핑하면서 답을 만드시는 편이 나으실 거예요. 다양한 주제에 맞게 내용 구성 연습하시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4.5/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임) |