▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that the most crucial period in a person's life is one's
twenties. However, in my opinion, the most important one's period in one’s life is different for
each other. There are two reasons. One reason is that the other periods are is as valuable
as one's twenties. The other reasons is that there are several things
that only old people or a
young child can only do.
To begin with, the other periods is
are also important comparing compared to the one's twenties since the
other periods can also
be a turning point in a person's life. Suppose that the one's twenties
is the only important period
and is optimized it
because the other periods are is not
useless. Would it be possible that people's life is more flourish quickly
flourishes more quickly? The answer will be no.
The only key to developing our world we live in
would be to consider the thing that all periods are
is important. Take the example of the Steve Jobs when he was a
50 years old. According to the his autobiography, he had an exceptional
life. Although he had difficulties about relationships
with workers in his company when he was a fifty years old, he finally
overcame this problem and thus, he could be a famous businessman. If it were
not for his diligence, he would not have become one of the
most recognized people.
In addition, there are some things that only
old or young people can only do. Frankly, this issue is actually like a
double edged sword. It is also true that one's twenties is very valuable.
However, I believe the advantages of one's period when they are young or old
far outweigh those of one's twenties concerning the fact that there is are a lot of clues that confirm my opinion. For
example, a study conducted by Samsung is a good example of this. The
researchers tracked the difference similarities of people who are recognized in this
world in order to find out their element of success. What they found was
intriguing. The most people who are spoken very highly are old people or
young people The highest percentage of people who
were spoken very highly of were either old or young people. (예시가 적절하지 않습니다. 20대 시절 때 더 열심히 살아서
나이가 들어서 사람들의 인정을 받았을 수도 있을 확률이 있어서 논리적으로 아쉽습니다.)
Taking the
importance of other periods and the things
that only old or young people can only do
(어리거나 나이가
많은 사람들만 할 수 있는 일들의 예시를 본문에 하나도 적지 않았습니다.) into consideration, I believe my opinion cannot be
refuted by other people.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Limited (0-16) |
Score |
7 |
Overall
Comment: |
문법 오류들은 위 지적사항들을
참고하세요. 예시가 적절하지 않았고, 주장 중 하나가 나이가 어리거나 많은 사람들만 할 수 있는 일들이 있다, 이거였는데 예시가 하나도
없었습니다. 논리적으로 매우 아쉬운 글이었습니다. |
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