▶ Your Answer :
From the past, many technologies make our life more valuabley. People everyday consider how to spend the life time. Of course, there is no answer.
Each other do something that they regard as a top priority in their life.
Someone goes abroad to acquire about other culture and knowledge. Others go to
travel to experience that they have they’ve never known before. Sometimes these plans are affected
by decisions made by government. In this regard, what government funds can eaffect to someone’s daily life.
So perhaps spending money only to useful scientific research has its
advantages, but I think spending money hasve
to be more expanded diversely, although it is not useful today. There are three
reasons for this.
The first reason is that it has a lot
of potentials that give us many different useful things. To be specific, it can
be chances to discover unknown useful things. All the things that we use today
are regarded less valuabley than in the past. However people have found the ways
to use it usefully. Those things have been allowed people to live more
conveniently.
The second reason is that we can get a
lot of informations. From the past, we have invented many useful stuffs.
For example, by inventing being invented
the Internet people have shared lots of informations, broadening their
perspectives. Also it It hasve been led society to pioneer new fields,
being essential part for people’s life.
The final reason is that this will
encourage to be created many job places. The more diverse we know, the more
opportunities that can work will be set. What I am saying is that jobs directly
or indirectly related to the research would make
it possible for the people to give opportunities to work. It means rate of
employments that have been social problem will increasing.
For these
reasons I strongly believe the government hasve
to spend money also to not useful scientific research. As time goes by, people’s thinking and desires would be different with today. From this
point of view, although somethings are not useful today, it has a possibility
to be helpful for us in the future. The most important thing is that do not don’t see
somethings with stereotype.
Fair (17-21) 서론 -valuably 없습니다. valuable 자체가 형용사입니다. -how to -축약형 지양해주세요. they've-->they have -effect 영향, affect 영향을 주다 -수 일치 money 단수이므로 have-->has
첫번째 본문 -less than -내용이 너무 모호합니다. 좀더 구체적으로 써주세요. 두번째 본문 -수동태 어색합니다. 사람들이 능동적으로 만든것이므로 by inventing 으로 써주세요. -대소문자 오류 It-->it 단수이므로 have-->has -첫번째 본문과 내용 거의 비슷합니다. 둘이 합쳐서 하나의 본문으로 만드는 것이 낫습니다.
세번째 본문 -related to -왜 취업률이 올라가는지, 어떤 부수적인 직업들이 생기는지, 좀더 자세히 써주세요.
결론 -수 일치 have-->has -축약형 지양. don't-->do not
본문들의 내용 더 구체적이고 명확하게 써주세요. 본문 2개에 더 구체적인 이유와 예시를 제시하는 것이 모호한 본문 3개보다 설득력이 높습니다. 구체적인 이유/설명/그리고 그에 따른 예시를 제시해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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