▶ Your Answer : Managing how children use their time is important because it lead to help them shape lives in a better way. With the understanding, I believe that playing and studying is more important for children than doing household tasks. This is because playing and studying help students to perform better at school and enjoy a better quality of life.
Firstly, playing and studying help children to perform better at school. Understanding the recent school system and the crucial role of playing and studying is crucial to substantiate this view. It is obvious that children have to bear out more and difficult subjects than people from previous generation because the recent education is aimed to cultivate workers who can not only to survive but also to outperform from the upcoming fourth industrialization age. Furthermore, the research conducted by Harvard University revealed that merely 32 percents of children answered that they fully understood the entire subjects taught at school. In other words, children definitely need to spend extra hours for supplementary studies to follow lectures. If they put more time on studying, it will not only help children to catch up with subjects they have not been able to grasp but also help them to have better grades in the class. Also, playing is important for children. As there are more subjects that students have to endure in these days, having time to relax is crucial. For example, playing computer games or group sports helps them to generate energy to get back to their academic studies freshly. In fact, Harvard University also revealed that spending time playing (what?) helps children to enhance learning efficiency. Children who have taken adequate amount of relaxing time showed the higher concentration index in the overall lectures compared to children who hasn't had rest times. In this respect, I believe that playing and studying has an effect of helping children to perform better at school.
Secondly, planing and studying help children to enjoy a better quality of life in the future. Interestingly, a renowned Korean social scientist in South Korea recently published an article in 'The Korean Herald' on Tuesday claiming that investing time playing and studying help children to strengthen social competitiveness for later years in society. According to the article, senior executives at leading corporation stated that their key to success was to play and study hard when they were young. This is because it provided them an insight to look at things and the worlds in different ways. For example, playing computer games and exploring new academic subjects that they were interested in provided them new information and the wisdom to solve new problems. They added that today's problems cannot be solved by mundane ideas and perspectives; instead they must be processed with creativity and analytical thinking. As we have seen, playing and studying enables people to become successful and encourage them to enjoy a better quality of life. (better quality of life 라는 표현은 too general 합니다. play/study는 미래의 문제를 해결하는 데 자양분이 되는 활동들이다. 그렇기 때문에 집안일 대신 이것들을 더 많이 해야 한다 는 등 specific한 방향으로 작성해주세요) To sum up, I believe that it is more important for children to focus on studying and playing than helping with household chores for the following reasons: to perform better at school and enjoy a better quality of life. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated due to the reason I have mentioned above.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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Template 사용 시 Language use/Grammar = Fair
- 앞서 말한 1st 이유 속 내용에서 perform better라는 이유가 모호하기 때문에 1) 더욱 많은 지식이 필요해지고 있다 2) 배움이 가장 효과가 있는 시기는 어린 시절이다 혹은 3) 스트레스를 해소해야 한다 등 좀 더 specific한 이유를 제시한 뒤 이에 맞는 내용을 작성해주세요.
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