▶ Your Answer :
Some people usually think that teachers motivate students to study
harder and give a good influence rather than students. However, in my opinion,
students in a same class can have strong effect on each other because of their
experience through relationship and ?
First, through mingling e with each other, together they can share a lot of
experience unexpectedly. I believe that various experience is one of the most
important factors of success in this world. Imagine a student who hasve only
textbook knowledge and indirect experience from his teacher. Because teachers'
experience can not be applicable to the young student, his view will be narrow. By
sharing various experiences with friends in class, students can not only gain
experience but also broaden their horizon. For example, I would like to
introduce my case of my highs school. At that time, being the only child, I was
so shy and negative person. It was difficult for me to talk with my home room
teacher, since he always made me study. Although I put in my effort for study,
my grade did not improve, thus I got upset. However, one day I found a club
which made making music and got to be a member of that. From then, I could meet many
friends and it made me feel better. That time was so impressive ng and meaningful
to me.
Second, it is the real key for students to relieve stress by
socializing with friends in daily life. As for as positive thought is
concerned, it is very important. The meaning of success has changed compared to
the past. If it was only focusing on having good grades in school, now it is
completely different. Among with students' ability, it is crucial that they
have positive thinking in everyday life. To be specific, there was a survey
conducted by the Korean education association. The researchers tracked the
habits of 300 high school students over a 3-years period in order to find out
who is the most influential person to students on their life and how the
students got to change. What they found was intriguing. The students who relied
on their friends were better at problem solving and became happier than who
tried to get teacher's help.
To
sum up, I firmly believe classmates have a beneficial effect to students for
these reasons I mentioned above.
Good (24–30) 첫번째 본문 -mingle 자리에 동사가 아니라 명사가 와야합니다. 따라서 동명사 형태인 mingling이 적절합니다. -with together 은 중복적 표현이고 어색합니다. with each other 해주세요. -cannot 붙여씁니다. 끝에서 두번째 문장에서, which절은 대게 which를 주어로 쓰고 동사를 필요로 합니다. 따라서, making--> made 본문 둘 다 내용 괜찮습니다. 문법 실수 유의해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~
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